Goodbye, Mom

As I write this, we are planning to travel to Huntsville, Alabama, for my mother-in-law's funeral.  She lived in that town for approximately 50 years in the house she and her husband built in 1960.  When her health became such that she could no longer live by herself, we moved her to an assisted living facility in Raleigh so she could be close to us.  I never met her husband as he passed away in 2000 at the age of 80.
We are so thankful we had time to say goodbye to Mom before she passed from this life.  It's never easy to see someone you love die, yet we all must die sooner or later.  As she lingered on her hospital bed, unaware and unresponsive, our hearts were broken knowing that she'd soon breathe her last breath on earth and would slip into another realm which is more real than this earthly realm.  I didn't mourn for what she was gaining - eternal life - but for my loss and the loss of those around me. 
My husband held his mother's hand, kissed it gently as tears dripped and cried at the loss of her touch.  Her hair was pure white, a crown she wore proudly, and was as fine as baby hair.  Skin as soft as a baby's bottom graced her face, and her hands were spotted from age.  Several inches of height had been stolen to osteoporosis and her middle had thickened with age, but she was Mom.  She was special.  But she is ours no more in the physical realm.
We've cleaned out her apartment, given away her clothes, and divided the remaining furniture and useful objects; she doesn't need them any more.  She's free from all the drudgery of this life, from a body that no longer functions the way it used to, and from the restrictions of being human.  She now has her glorified body and is clothed in righteousness as she worships the God who saved her.
Even as we continue to grieve and say our final goodbyes, we'll remember the woman we knew, the mother, grandmother, greatgrandmother, mother-in-law, and above all - friend - that graced the earth with her presence for the last 90+ years.  Cherished memories now cling to our hearts and minds like raindrops that water the earth as they fall from the sky. 
I've been privileged to know Elizabeth Jones Stewart these last 6.5 years.  But because of Christ, I know I will see her again when He calls my name and I rise to meet Him - what a blessed assurance!

Taken December 23, 2012 - my husband, Bob, his oldest daughter, Ellen (pregnant with her second child), and Mom. 

Great Loss

My dear mother-in-law, Elizabeth Stewart, passed away at the age of 90 yesterday afternoon after suffering a massive stroke around 8:30 in the morning.  As life support was removed, she was surrounded by children, grandchildren, and extended family as she slipped from this life into her heavenly Father's arms.  Her life was well-lived, and she has received her reward, but oh, how we miss her already.

Elizabeth Jones Stewart - October 18, 1922 - December 26, 2012.

Christmas 2012

My Christmas card to my family, friends, and readers:

Little sheep on hillside grazing
Old men shuddering from the cold
Rugged rocks and land surrounding
Dark and cold that night of old
Angels brok their quiet musings
Night vanished in brilliant skies
Daring trumpet sounds were fusing
Strident arches reaching high
As the angels told the shepherds
Voices ringing loud and clear
Indewelling God had come to save us
Our Christ, the Saviour, the Son so dear
Ushered from the throne of heaven and
Resting now in a manger near

This is how Christmas started - on a hillside covered wtih sheep and tended by cold shepherds.  As we sit in our warm, comfortable homes, surrounded by gifts and family, may we renew our search for the Christ-Child - our Lord and Saviour!

Merry Christmas, and may God's blessings be with you all each day, and may you seek God's will to make the world a better place because of the gift that He sent to all mankind - Jesus.

Cookie Decorating Day!

After baking 18 dozen (no, that's not a typo) cookies on Saturday, the grandkids came over Sunday afternoon to decorate them.  This has become a tradition, but with 7 grandchildren and another one on the way, it's now a major project also but certainly one we enjoy.  Only the oldest grandchild, Luke, did not come, so we had 6 children, ages 1.5 years (Julian), 3 years (Benny), 4 years (Cooper and Wilson), 5 years (Niland), and 10 years (Cami - our only granddaughter).  They stayed for 4 hours so the parents could have a break and get some things done in preparation for Christmas without children in tow.  My son, Nathan, stayed to help us with the kids, especially little Julian, who ate more cookies than anyone, I think!  Frosting and sprinkles were everywhere on the table we had set up, but thankfully we have hardwood floors so the mess was easily cleaned.  When the kids finished or simply quit decorating their 3 dozen cookies each, we played on the Wii and took a brief walk outside to see the ducks, which had flown off to somewhere else. 
It was nice to have a breather of normalcy after the massacre in Newtown, Connecticut, but as I looked at all our beautiful grandchildren, I couldn't fathom losing one of them.  They are all so very precious and fiercely loved.  My heart grieved even as I enjoyed our very busy day and basked in the miracle of family.
We hugged them all a bit harder when they left laden with their boxes of cookies.  I've attached some photos of our day.  Please enjoy your children/grandchildren/family and never take life for granted; no one is guaranteed tomorrow.  We have only the moment we have. 

I'll soon post my Christmas card to family, friends, and my readers.  Enjoy the moment that God has given you. 

Tragedy Touches Home

The grief that has shocked the nation, even the entire world, seemingly taking our hearts out and crushing them before our eyes, has come close to my home.  An event such as this does not just affect the parents and local community; no, it reaches out with its tentacles and lays hold of grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and dear friends across the country with a tenacity that can only be described as verocious.  Like an unstoppable cancer, it spreads across the country, destroying relationships and changing lives forever.
My daughter and her husband have been close friends with a couple in their church for years, and it is this couple that has lost a niece in the tragedy.  The husband of this couple is the brother of the mother of one of the slain girls.  This couple have children of their own, and their daughter has been very good friends with my granddaughter for years, so I have a 10-year-old granddaughter who is learning a hard lesson about the horrible realities of life as her own parents deal with the suffering of their friends.  At the same time, my granddaughter is showing her strength and compassion to her friend Jordan at the loss of Jordan's 6-year-old cousin.  Countless other people across this nation are also suffering the results of one person's incomprehensible fatal choice.
My office is located close to a shooting range, and on nice days, which we've enjoyed this week, I sit in my car and enjoy the sunshine during my lunch break.  I don't usually pay attention to the sound of guns in the distance, but I do now.  I understand the description of the shots as popping sounds, for that's what they are.  Even though I know the place down the street is for sport, I can't help but think that they are using for personal enjoyment and pleasure instruments that were chosen to annihilate defenseless children.  Just as fire can be beneficial or destructive beyond belief, so too can guns be for fun or for death.  It all depends on who holds the gun in his or her hand and the choices they make.
I've been following the news closely, as has almost everyone, and don't understand the frenzy to purchase the style of gun that was turned on our most precious possession, our children, by the shooter.  I don't understand the "need" for a law-abiding citizen to own a gun.  Surely the statistics would support my belief that few of us, even in high-crime areas, are ever threatened in our own homes.  And I believe the statistics would support the fact that more children are accidentally killed by other children in their homes, their place of assumed safety, than are perpetrators of evil who break into homes.  The more guns we have, the more frequently this will continue to occur. 
I read an article the other night on-line somewhere (as you, I've read and heard so much that I can't keep some bits of information straight) that Newtown/Sandy Hook were taking down their Christmas decorations, and my heart cried out, "NO!  Don't take down the decorations!  You still have other children who need Christmas!"  This is the time of year when we celebrate the birth of Christ, the Saviour of the world, and if we put aside this time of celebration, even when we suffer incomprehensible loss, evil wins.  Our remaining children still need Christmas, and this Christmas in particular, even though it will be different.
Good needs to overcome evil, especially now.  "The thief comes not but to steal, to kill and to destroy; I am come that you may have life, and that you might have it more abundantly."  (John 10:10)  Yes, this act was one of evil perpetrated by the enemy of our souls, whose sole purpose is to steal, kill and destroy.  Through God alone will we find life, and not just existence, but abundant life. 
Jesus said, "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me you might have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."  (John 16:33)  It's a sure thing that we will have tribulation in this world, and losing a child in such an unimaginable event is undoubtedly one of the most heart-rendering events a human can endure, yet through Christ we can overcome because HE has overcome, including death. 
So how do we make sense of these two verses of scripture?  How do we analyze and understand that Jesus came to give us life as we face the loss of so many innocent children?  We can't.  It's impossible.  The only way to endure and ultimately overcome this unbelieveably sad event is to have faith that God's word is true.  Joy will come some morning.  Beauty will rise from the ashes.  Life will be good and full again even as it remains different than what it was or would have been had this tragic event not been visited upon us.
The innocent children still live but in a different place - the place we call heaven.  They are no longer here, and it is the sudden and brutal way in which they were taken from our midst that crushes our senses and hearts.  As human beings, we know only this world and don't fathom heaven, which is God's home and is promised to us who believe on, adhere to, rely on, and cling to Him while we live on this earth.  Heaven is real; it's forever.  The slain children are there, enjoying the presence of their Creator.  All of their questions have been answered, but many of ours will not ever be answered because we live on this side of eternity.  Families will be reunited with these lost loved ones some day, and only then will all questions be answered, only then will things be revealed. 
As everyone who has been affected, from parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, best friends, casual friends, acquaintances, the survivors, the first responders, police officers -- the list goes on and on --and even those who live in the Newtown/Sandy Hook areas or have in the past and feel rooted to that special place -- as all work through the grieving process, let us find hope in Jesus, who is acquainted wtih our sorrows and who offers peace, healing, and hope for eternal life.
In time, life will move on, only differently than what had been expected. 
God is good, never evil.  Read the end of The Book - He wins. 

Breaking Hearts

The world's atttention has turned to Newtown, Connecticut, as the tragedy has unfolded since Friday morning.  Before moving to North Carolina, I lived in Danbury, Connecticut, a large town adjacent to Newtown and Sandy Hook.  I used to travel through Newtown on occasion and lived in Danbury for 10 years, so my heart goes out to those in that area.  The unspeakable evil that visited Sandy Hook Elementary School has broken the hearts of so many people, robbed family of precious members, and shocked a nation which cherishes its right to bear arms.  Guns are instruments of death, either for the animal kingdom or for human beings, and our founding fathers didn't know life without the need for firearms for protection and to provide food.  Guns fired a single shot and had to be reloaded, which took time to accomplish.  Life was different.
I could go into a full-length tirade about the need for a change of mind in our country regarding firearms, but I won't.  Instead I'll pray for the comfort of those in Newtown and family around the United States who have been devastated by this tragedy.  It's difficult to fathom, difficult to process, and still difficult to believe.  As the names of the children are released, tears form in my eyes at the beautiful lives that were so needlessly snuffed out.  The only comfort I can find in this is that all of those children are in the presence of God, free from pain and fear, free from harm forever. 
There are no words that can pour a healing balm on the hearts of these parents, family, and friends of the slain, both children and adults.  Time will ease the extreme suffering and loss, but the pain will never be erased.  Faith in God is the only place to find the strength to cope.  As one parent said, it is his faith that will get him through. 
God has given humans the freedom of choice and action, and the shooter chose to act in that freedom to do evil.  It is now up to the rest of us to use our freedom of choice and action to help those who are hurting and to use our lives the best way we can with God's help.
May God bless and comfort those in Newtown, Connecticut, as the healing process begins.

Is it Christmas Yet?

We finally started our Christmas shopping Tuesday evening.  The store at which we shopped (yes, it was only one store) was busy, but not like it would be on the weekends.  More shopping has been done on line, and it will be nice to see boxes arrive at my doorstep without having to drive somewhere, park (if indeed I could actually find a parking space), walk through store after store, and wait in long lines to check out.  And I'm really going to have to press things to get my shopping done because tonight (Thursday) is my grocery shopping night; tomorrow evening is Family Night at our church (talent show and concert); Saturday I need to bake 18 dozen cookies (3 dozen for each grandchild) so they'll have cookies to decorate on Sunday afternoon when they come over for the traditional Christmas Cookie Decorating Day (maybe it should be a national holiday!).  All but the youngest grandchild will be participating, so we'll have a house full of kids ranging in age from 3 - 14 years from 1 - 5 p.m. Sunday.  And then some of them will be staying for dinner.  Do you think I'll be tired when they leave?  We won't have any time to shop for presents this weekend!
Because Bob's daughters and their families are coming for Christmas celebration on December 23, that will leave us 6 days to finish our shopping!  Even though my fingers are flying as fast as they can, I still have several things to knit/crochet before December 25, so I'm glad it's not Christmas yet!
One of the things I love to do when I'm at home preparing for Christmas is listen to music of the season.  As I sing along, I'm reminded of the best gift I've ever received, the gift of God's Son, and that's the reason why I give to others.  The season may be hectic, crazy, rushed, and even frustrating at times, but we celebrate Christmas because of the birth of Christ.  "Happy Holidays" does not cut it for me.  I will say "Merry Christmas" because it is the essence of the meaning of the holiday, the fragrance of the personhood of God the Creator. 
Is it Christmas yet?  No, but God's gift is available 24/7, not just on December 25.  You can look for Jesus and find him any day of the year.
Happy shopping!

Preparations

Anticipation of the celebration of Christmas becomes palatable as the days rush toward December 25.  Bob and I have almost completed decorating our home, inside and out, and it's been a week-long process that occurs only during the evening hours because we both hold full-time jobs.  The tree, which has been sitting in water outside for a week, will come into the house tonight, and we'll string lights and garlands and probably some decorations.  Why not all?  Because we'll be hosting a party tomorrow night, and we ask that those attending help decorate our tree.  The party will be attended by your church friends, and the group is called "Overdrive" and is composed of people over 50 (some much over 50!), both couples and single people.  So preparations have been underway, but we still have a lot to do.  Here are a few things on my list that have to be accomplished by 5 PM tomorrow, Saturday:

• pack away all unused decorations
• bring the tree inside and decorate it
• finish dusting furniture
• clean bathrooms
• complete preparation of games to play during the party
• wrap prizes for games
• make stuffing for 21-pound turkey
• finish putting up lights in house and on shrubs (finally got replacements for the ones that burned out)
• water house plants
• put up extra table to hold desserts; cover with tablecloth and decorate
• put away all mail/papers from computer desk
• make iced tea
• stuff turkey and get in oven by 11 am Saturday
• create centerpiece for kitchen table
• pull out dishes for serving food
• create hors d'oeuvre platter
• vacuum house
• wash wood floors
• change bedding on our bed/launder sheets
• set out plates/utensils/glasses

Okay, I'm sure I've forgotten some things that will come to mind as I work, but you get the gist.  It's a busy time.  And right after church on Sunday, Bob has to sing someplace with his choral group and I'll be heading over to Carrboro to listen to my daughter's 2 children in a guitar concert at a local coffee shop.  Then next weekend one of our son-in-laws has a graduation ceremony on Saturday morning and all but one of the 7 grandchildren are coming over to decorate Christmas cookies on Sunday afternoon.  That means that I'll be baking cookies Friday evening and Saturday afternoon and evening, enough for each of the 6 grandkids to take home 3 dozen cookies each!  The next weekend, which is right before Christmas, Bob and I will be taking as much of the family as can go on Sunday to the NC Museum of Life and Science for their special Christmas displays, especially the model train setup, which the small boys will surely enjoy.  Right after that, we'll have dinner together. 
All this preparation makes me realize that we need to keep room for quiet time.  And it makes me wonder how much time we spend in preparation for Christ in our hearts.  I'm speaking to myself here, people, not just to you.  In the midst of all this activity, we can lose sight of the meaning of Christmas.  Let's simply try not to.

Looking Forward

When a person is discouraged, it's a good time to encourage others.  That's where I find myself lately - discouraged.  A year ago I was in the process of completing "Amanda's Hope" and going through the process of self-publishing the book, which turned out to be a rather grueling experience.  I was all fired up with hope and expectations that a year later, my life would be much different.  Well, it's a year later, and it's pretty much the same -- other than the fact that my husband suffered a heart attack in March which has left us paying hundreds of dollars on a hospital bill every month.  So yes, some things have changed, but the overall picture of where I thought I would be hasn't.  Thus my discouragement.
We had a speaker at our church Sunday in both the morning and evening services.  David Martin teaches encouragement and walking in what God has planned for us, and I can tell you I needed to hear what he had to say.  My level of discouragement can't get much lower.  I truly believed my book would be a success, I'd be able to travel locally and then around the country talking about my book and its central theme of abortion versus right to life.  I truly thought I'd no longer be sitting at my office desk working in a job in which I find little pleasure.  I believed I'd be having lunch with my daughters and helping out with the grandkids, not just seeing them for a few hours every other weekend or so.  The stress of working full-time, keeping my home and all that entails, and not having the time or the money to do what I'd rather be doing and to give like I'd rather be giving have weighed heavily on me, and I'm discouraged.  To encourage myself, I'm going to encourage you, my readers, and if I make a difference in one of your lives, I'm blessed.
Last night I heard:  that I must dream big, so I'm not going to give up my vision of speaking and writing for a living; that I must visualize my dreams; that I must plan how to fulfill my dreams; that I must focus on my dream; that all things are possible with God!  Now that's a good word, but it's meaningless unless I take it to heart and actually DO what I heard.  Hearing is good, but hearing yields nothing.  Doing is what brings results.  Another good part of what I heard was that God wants me to succeed so He can show other people what happens when a person follows His principles, so I can take care of myself (not be a burden to anyone or live in want), and so I can bless others who are in need!
Wisdom is to be chased down and acquired; it's the most precious thing for all of us (that's in the Bible, you know!)!  We alone decide how to spend our time, even the hours that we work, for we choose to go to work every day and in turn get paid for our time.  How many of us waste time watching television instead of helping others or building relationships with family?  We need to gain wisdom to help us reach our dreams and we need to read, read, read! 
So many words of wisdom were spoken for me and many others to hear, but it's now up to me and my husband to work toward our goals.  When one is discouraged, the other needs to encourage.  The Word of God contains all wisdom; all we need to do is read it and apply it to our lives.
So I encourage all who are discouraged!  As David Martin says, "The rest of your life will be the best of your life!" if we apply what God has made available to us.  I'm going to do it.  How about you?

Thanksgiving

Giving thanks - Thanksgiving, an American tradition celebrated by feasting on turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce, and a variety of other dishes favored by individual families.  But the attitude of giving thanks is quickly deteriorating into an attitude of greed with shopping now becoming the focus.  When I was a girl, all stores were closed on Thanksgiving.  There was no such thing as Black Friday, and stores were not decorated for Christmas until after Thanksgiving.  There was no madness to get the best deals; there was no Cyber Monday, no on-line shopping.  Instead, there was anticipation in the search and joy in the finding of the right gift for each person on your list.  Giving was from the heart, not from the television ads that provoked desire for the newest gadgets and latest version of some electronic device that someone thinks they must have.
But I digress!  My husband and I celebrated a traditional Thanksgiving with people we had never met until they walked in the door - 3 students from China, now attending Duke University, and the mother of one of the young ladies.  Because our children were scattered to other states and other sides of the family, we were left to celebrate the day alone but decided instead to host internationals through a program in our church, iMix.  One of the young ladies attends our Chinese church, and she brought her mother and 2 friends.
Opening our home to strangers is biblical, and it was a most interesting event.  Foods which I prepare with no forethought became the subject of photo after photo, question after question, and multiple comments upon consumption.  Things ordinary to us were first events to our Chinese guests.  Language wasn't a problem as they, except the mother, spoke very good English. 
After our guests left and I finished cleaning all the pots and pans, I was exhausted but filled with a sense of joy that we were able to provide an opportunity to 4 Chinese people to experience an American Thanksgiving.  Yet I often wonder what they think of the madness they see on television to purchase gifts that can't be given for more than a month.  Black Friday has now spilled over into Thanksgiving Day, and within a few years I'm certain the sales will start the day before Thanksgiving and will run right through Thanksgiving.  Black Friday will be a thing of the past.
I make it a point NOT to shop on Friday.  I had to pick up my new eye glasses on Saturday and did that late in the afternoon and then picked up a few things at a chain retail store, and I found it amazingly quiet in the store.  Apparently all the madness and crazy shoppers had done their thing, and now the rest of us can shop in peace and quiet, not swallowed up by the insanity that has kicked off the Christmas shopping season.  And yes, it is Christmas, not holiday season.  God gave his greatest gift to the world, and that's why we have Christmas.  The truth will never change even though man's interpretation of it does.  God gave, we received.  Let's try to keep that in mind as we maneuver through the store aisles during the coming weeks. 

Creation

Being a woman, my mind is always going in a dozen different directions at once.  Thoughts flash through my mind, often escaping my grasp as I move on to the next one!  The brain is an incredible -- thing?  Instrument?  I mean, what should I call it?  Thinking about all the brain does is mind-boggling!  Right now I'm using a computer, typing on a keyboard and spelling words that your brain intreprets to mean something; my thoughts are organized by my brain, as are my ideas.  The brain interprets light that enters through our eyes so we can move about safely; the brain interprets language, creates ideas, processes thoughts, sends messages to different parts of our body for movement, interprets the fragrances and odors we smell, gives us the incredible sense of touch - basically all body functions are processed through the brain, and just thinking about the superb design and function of the brain humbles me. 
How can anyone possibly think that something as intricate and amazing as our brains came into existence by mere chance?  How?  How could chance - or millions of years - produce the brain?  Add to that the complexity of human emotions and you've multiplied the equation countless times.  How can chance create love, hate, rebellion, desire, sadness, grief, joy, fear, dread, anxiety, disappointment, hope, hopelessness, peace, patience, tenderness, goodness, kindness, exhiliration, revenge, laughter, sexuality, competition, envy, jealousy, and more?  Only God can create things that one cannot touch or see but which are as real as the nose on my face. 
The next time someone presents to you the preposterous idea that we came into existence by chance, think about these things.  In fact, think about them now so you'll know how to respond to those who choose the path of disbelief.  God is the creator of all things seen and unseen, both on earth and in the life hereafter.  I'm in awe of His creativity. 

Technology Overload

Some days, I'm inclined to toss the computer out the window and throw the cell phone in the ditch! Since when do we NEED everything that's out there to HAVE? Advances in technology have added costs to life, and I often wonder if all of them are needed. When I was a girl, TV was in its infancy; telephones were wired, had cords and a rotary dial. We didn't have microwaves, internet, or cable television. Life was simple. We played games, conversed, visited each other, and played outside winter and summer. Things are so different now. We must have cable or satellite television, computers, internet access, and cell phones, all creating a financial nightmare for those who think they must keep up with the Joneses.
Often, as I wait for a traffic signal to turn, I'll observe the people in the cars turning in the intersection. More often than not, more than half of them are talking on a cell phone as they drive. Office workers text on their phones while working at their desks; people walk in malls and on sidewalks and text or talk on their phones. Even in church, people are consumed by the little gadgets that we can hold in the palms of our hands. Television is another story. Three channels weren't enough, so one can now have a cable package that offers them hundreds of choices. How much television can one person watch? And how much of it is really worth our time? How much are we accomplishing for God's kingdom when we sit and allow images, often evil images, to flood our minds? Violence is now commonplace on television, as are homosexual lifestyles, and yet we sit on our comfortable sofas with remotes in hand and laugh at what break's God's heart. And we call it entertainment. Really? I wonder if God is entertained.
I see the fabric of our society eroding into a pit of sin, and we Christians seemingly have lost our voice. We sit idly by and often participate in and/or agree with the very things that God clearly calls sin.
Technology is a good thing, but Satan takes every good thing and uses it for his purposes. Technology is robbing us of fellowship, friendship, community, communication, relationship, and holiness. It brings pornography and all sorts of sexual sin into our homes at the click of the mouse. It steals our kids' innocence, and yes, even ours, and offers temptations which often can't be refused.
Maybe I should challenge everyone to put aside techie gadgets for one day a week -- no TV, no internet, no phone calls, no electronic notebooks or iPods -- and instead focus on family and friends. I think I know what the world would be like if we did that. I just don't know if anyone would be willing to take the challenge.

Reumion

Yesterday evening at 5:35 p.m. my sister from Florida arrived at our house, which was an hour and a half earlier than I expected her.  It was so good to see her!  It has been around 12 years since we've seen each other and we don't look the same, but our heart are still young.

Winnie left for Harper's Ferry, West Virginia, this morning when I left for work, and she arrived safely mid-afternoon.  Now I'm in the process of preparing for our drive tomorrow.  After an appointment with my eye doctor (I need new glasses), we'll follow my sister's path to our brother's home in Harper's Ferry.  I can't wait for our reunion.

Family is a funny thing.  When you're kids, you fight with your siblings like cats and dogs, but when you're grown up, you're best friends.  I know that's true in my life, and it's true in my kids' lives.  So for you parents out there praying that your kids won't kill each other, be assured that will pass.  They'll actually like each other in the coming years and will long for time spent together. 

God has been so good to my brother, sparing his house from damange and loss of power in Superstorm Sandy.  We're so excited about going to see him and his wife tomorrow.  I just hope I can sleep tonight! 

The Storm

Epic storms come infrequently, often no more than once in a lifetime.  We've experienced such a storm these past few days here in the United States.  Superstorm Sandy, which began as a tropical depression that dumped rain in the islands south of Florida, has left its mark on the landscape, destroyed homes, stolen lives, and forever altered the thinking that a storm of that proportion could never happen. 

My husband Bob and I were in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, from last Friday through Sunday, October 26 -28, for Bob to compete with his chorus in the Carolinas District Barbershop Contest.  We stayed at the house of some friends and had a 25-minute drive to the hotel where the contest was being held.  When we drove from Durham to Myrtle Beach on Friday, hazy sunshine allowed the temperatures to climb near 80 degrees, but on our trip home from the contest late Friday evening, very light rain began to fall.  Saturday brought breezy conditions and rain, but nothing that was exceptional.  As we returned to the final session of the contest, the rain abated, but the breezy conditions remained. 

We had thought that we'd have to drive home in heavy rain, but the storm held off the coast of North Carolina and kept the rain on its shores, pounding and tearing at the beaches and Outer Banks.  Expected rain at our house did not materialize.  As we watched the news and weather at home, the storm grew in intensity and crawled up the East coast, rearranging dunes and pushing water where it didn't belong.  Monday evening the storm, which had hurricane status, made landfall in New Jersey.  The damage done by wind and water won't be fully documented for months.  New York City and Connecticut also received heavy damage, especially from the storm surge.

As the storm pounded the country, I wondered how my brother in West Virginia was faring.  Sonny and Steph had moved to Harper's Ferry last summer from Alaska.  We'd planned a family gathering of sorts for this coming weekend, and it was in jeopardy if they were to lose power.  During the past few days, I spoke with them several times, and God spared them the storm's brutality.  They didn't even lose power, so our visit to their home this weekend is still on the calendar.  My sister in Florida is joining us.  Her long drive tomorrow will result in an overnight stay with us before she continues to Harper's Ferry on Thursday.  We will travel there on Friday and return on Monday.  My sister is retired and can stay longer than we can.  I have only 1047 days until retirement, but who's counting!

So our trip hasn't been cancelled due to the storm.  We are praying for all those affected by this superstorm, as it is being called, for those who have lost loved ones, and for those who've lost their homes.  Events like this remind us of our own blessings and make us even more grateful for a roof over our heads and food on the table.  Everyone who is so fortunate should do the same. 

Overdue!

Okay, I know I've not posted for about 2 weeks and I'm way overdue to catch up on things. That seems to be the norm nowadays - trying to catch up! It seems as if I'm one step behind everything that needs to be done. It's frustrating!
Not this past weekend but the weekend before, we had two of our grandsons, Niland (5) and Benny (3) stay overnight Saturday night. It was so much fun to have the 2 boys; they are bundles of energy that are difficult to contain! There was a glitch in their stay when Benny's arm started hurting while he was in the tub, and Niland said, "He's had his sore arm before, Nana." Well, that little boy wouldn't move that arm for anything, not even to eat a snack! He cried some, but not a lot, and went to sleep with his arm under his pajama top, held tight against his tummy. So I called my son, his dad, and discovered that Benny's elbow had come out of the socket. This has happened about 2 dozen times before. Now it was up to me to get it back in the socket.
After getting instructions from my son, I went in to a sleeping Benny, lifted his shirt, straightened his arm (at which point he started to whimper), turned his palm up, and bent his arm as if he were doing a bicep curl. I felt the elbow pop back in; maybe I heard it too, but there was no question that it had gone back in the socket. Benny stopped his soft cries and continued sleeping. I called my son and told him all was well, and in the morning, Benny triumphantly held his arm straight up in the air. I was so relieved.
This last Friday my 2 children and all of theirs came over after work, and we celebrated my oldest grandson Luke's 14th birthday. Already standing at almost 5'11", Luke looks a lot older than he is. He's a great cousin to my son's boys, who are 9+ years younger than him. On October 18 my mother-in-law turned 90 years old, and we gathered again on Saturday at the assisted living place where she lives to celebrate that milestone. I realized that if I live to be 90, Luke will be 41, my daughter will be 70, and my son will be 67. My mother-in-law is doing well both physically and mentally, although she no longer drives or lives by herself. We're grateful for the many years God has granted her.
This coming weekend my husband and I will be heading to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, so he can participate in District Competition with his Barbershop Harmony Society group from Raleigh. I just heard the weather forecast, and the possibility of a tropical system touching the coast by Saturday is a possibility. Not a good thing. And the following weekend we will be heading north to Harper's Ferry, West Virginia, for a visit with my brother and his wife who have moved there from Alaska. It's so nice to have them so close now and in the same time zone!
So life is forever busy! Book ideas are spinning in my head, but I don't have enough time to outline any or to sit and write at this point in my life. However, I am counting the days until I can retire - 1054 days (give or take a day or two)! Some people may not look forward to retirement, but I certainly am! I'll have plenty to keep me busy. I just pray that God grants me enough years to enjoy it, to spend time with my children and grandchildren, and to write a sequel to "Amanda's Hope." Seems like there's a story to tell about Delilah.

Success at Last

Our rainy Saturday sent us home from our campsite, where we napped, rested, and hung around our dry house until evening. Then we went to a movie, which we don't often do because there's never much worth paying money to see. After the movie, we got Chinese and then went to bed in our dry beds. If the campsite had been a great distance from our home, we would have toughed out the rainy day and been fine, but since we were so close to home, we opted to go home for the day.
Sunday morning dawned with the sun breaking through the clouds. By the time breakfast was over, the skies were blue with hardly a cloud in sight. We headed back to the campsite and found our tent surrounded on one end with water. A few very small puddles had formed inside the tent. We turned on a space heater and fan inside the tent to start the drying out process. Now that the rain had actually ended, things would be able to dry before we had to pack them away. Bob and I left the campsite and headed toward the lake and took a short hike close to the water. We spotted a great blue heron, which landed on a dead tree limb close to the water's edge, and were able to get some good photos. Wild mushrooms abounded, some looking like sponges in the ocean. Mosses carpeted the forest floor. Rays of sun filtered through the trees, shafts of light illuminating the leaves, twigs and pine needles on the ground. Waterfalls trickled over rocks, tumbling to join the waters of the lake. The hike was a feast for our senses.
After sitting on the water's edge for a time, we returned to the campsite and prepared lunch. Our son and his family soon arrived, and the two little boys were so excited. We did some fishing, but only as much as 3-year-old Benny could handle. He just didn't understand that you don't reel in your line as soon as you throw it out!
Returning to the campsite, we made pie iron pizzas and grilled cheese sandwiches, and we toasted marshmallows. The smoke in our eyes didn't even bother us. We were camping! And it wasn't raining!
When it came time to break camp, the boys pitched in and helped by pulling out stakes and putting them in bags and assisted us with taking down the fiberglass tent poles. They carried things to the truck. They were so excited to help Nana and Papa Bob take down their tent, but now they really, really want to go camping overnight! God redeemed our rainy Saturday with His gorgeous Sunday!
Our next camping trip will not be preplanned but will be a spur-of-the-moment, let's-go-camping-now decision. If that doesn't happen this year, we'll do it next spring. In the meantime, the firepit on the backyard will have to suffice for toasting marshmallows and getting smoke in our eyes.

Disappointed

I'm sure everyone has looked forward to something with great anticipation only to be disappointed. Well, I"m disappointed right now. I'm home sitting at this computer and not at our campsite on Fall's Lake. Oh, our stuff is there, but we're not because the rain won't stop. We had a beautiful day yesterday with temperatures climbing into the 80's, and the forecast was for a 30% chance of showers last night and a 50% chance today, so we thought we'd take a chance on going to the campsite and not cancelling our reservation made several weeks ago. So I took the day off, gathered all the gear and food, and we headed out mid-afternoon. After setting up camp, we were just about to eat dinner when the rain started falling; it had been sunny only an hour earlier. We quickly stretched a tarp over our screened tent over the picnic table or we would have gotten soaked while eating. The rain continued unabated through the night, tossing in one pretty good thunderstorm that woke us up. In the morning, our tent was sitting in about an inch of water. Thankfully, our air mattress was on top of 2 cots, so we were dry, but the water had made the soil under the tent mushy and had ponded at one end of the tent.
My disappointment doesn't some so much that we're not camping but that our grandsons won't get the experience. Two of them were going to join us today and spend tonight in another tent, which we thankfully had not yet set up. With a stream of showers heading in our direction, Bob and I decided to come home (the campsite is only 13 miles away) and take it easy in our dry house. I fixed bacon and eggs on our camp stove and brewed coffee for breakfast, but I was literally standing in an inch of mud as the rain continued to fall after a break in the wee hours of the morning. Those conditions were no place for a 10-year-old, a 5-year-old and a 3-year-old. The fishing and canoeing that we had planned aren't happening, and I'm bummed.
We'll be going to our son's house for dinner, and a tent will be erected in the play room over the garage for the kids to sleep in to ease their disappointment. The boys especially have been talking about nothing else for the last week - camping with Nana and sleeping in a tent. I'll leave the loaf of cinnamon raisin bread that I made so they can have French toast with it in the morning.
Bob and I will return to the campsite tomorrow morning; the rain is supposed to end tonight, but I don't want to sleep in a wet tent standing in mud. We may fix breakfast there if things have dried out enough, but we'll have to dismantle the campsite even if things are still wet. Our son and the boys will join us if the weather has broken, and maybe we'll get in some fishing, canoeing, and cooking over the campfire before we have to vacate the site.
No more long-range planning of camping trips for me. If it's a nice weekend, we'll simply go for one night on the spur of the moment. November in North Carolina can be quite nice temperature wise. In the meantime, Bob is napping, and I'm going to work on my Bible study of the Book of James.

I'm back - I'll be posting on both this blog and on www.AmandasHope.com - this blog allows me to keep track of my viewers.  Please keep reading!  You make it worthwhile! 

What a day! Today I've worked 7.75 hours (spent 1.5 hours of those looking for something that didn't exist but in the mind of an attorney in another office!); came home; scraped the mortar smoothe between the stones on the patio (don't ask me to explain); washed and dried 2 loads of laundry (well, the last load is now in the dryer); fixed dinner (fortunately, it was only for me so leftovers sufficed; Bob was at a meeting); watered the outdoor potted plants (we need rain again); did an aerobic workout, my first since my second back surgery a little over a year ago; paid a bill on-line; balanced the checkbook; and am now writing this blog. And what in all of this has eternal value? I'm not sure any of it does, but it's life.
As I was searched the file at work today, thumbing through correspondence and e-mails only to find out that it wasn't our problem if someone else couldn't find something in their file, I felt like I had been chasing the wind! Life is sometimes like that - chasing the wind. So many things need to get done, and when all's said and done, what has really been accomplished? Well, the patio looks better, the laundry basket is empty (but only for about 2 hours), I'm not hungry, the plants will survive another day, the power company won't shut off my power, and I know how much money we have in our checking account -- and to do aerobics for the first time in over a year simply made me feel good! Yet it all feels like chasing the wind! So much of life is necessary but seemingly pointless! Does anyone else feel that way?
I have 1082 days until I can retire at age 66, and I've got plans to do things that I can't find the time to do now -- writing more books will be one of them. Volunteering will be another, as will spending more time with our kids and grandkids. They are growing up too fast! More time in Bible study is also on the list. Traveling is not a priority for me; I haven't seen much of the State of North Carolina yet, so I would like to visit my back yard, so to speak. In the meantime, I'll have to keep chasing the wind and pray that God will bless the work of my hands in the doing of everyday life.

Moving!

This will be my last post on this website.  I now have a website for my book, and that's where I'll be doing my posting.  Please go to www.AmandasHope.com to continue to read my posts, as well as comment on those posts and learn about the book and how it was written.
I have yet to write about our wonderful vacation with five of our grandchildren (no, it was NOT a quiet week at the beach), about our financial crises (yes, more than 1), and about my aching foot (this is more than just tired feet)!  And through it all, God has been so good! 
I thoroughly enjoy writing and posting and, even though my readers are few in number, as long as what I write helps just one person, it's worth the time and effort.  So please pick things up at www.AmandasHope.com, and I hope you'll leave a comment or two to let me know you're still with me.
May God continue to bless all my readers.  I hope my written words have been an encouragement to all.

Busy Time of Year

Sorry about not posting for so long.  Life, as usual, is busy.  Last week my grandson Luke graduated from 8th grade, and the very next day my grandson Niland "graduated" from preschool.  These are major milestones in the kids' lives, and we were glad to be present even though it meant adjusting work hours for both me and my husband.
Luke was all dressed up in a suit and tie, a rare sight indeed.  The Catholic school he attended did not do the cap and gown thing, but Niland's preschool church did.  Well, sort of.  All of the 4 year olds wore men's white short-sleeved dress shirts, which they wore backwards, making them look like white gowns.  It was pretty clever.  Bob donated the shirt for Niland to wear, and the sleeves came down to Niland's wrists.  Some children wore long-sleeved shirts and had to have them rolled up.
We had dinner together as a family before going to Luke's graduation, and afterward, cake and punch were served.  It was hard to remember that the 8th-graders were only 13 or 14 years old; many of them, including girls, were taller than Luke, who is already 5'9" tall and still growing! 
After Niland's ceremony, where each child received a Bible, we went to the fellowship hall where the biggest cupcakes I've seen were served with juice and/or water.  Each child also received a colored metal bucket with a plastic shovel (beach equipment!) and a few other small gifts inside.  Little Julian, who turned 1 year old at the end of April, ate almost half cupcake!  That little boy loved it! 
On Memorial Day, which was last Monday, all of our family came over to our house for a cookout, which meant there were 21 people, including Bob and me.  I had expected only 17, but there was still plenty of food to go around.  The kids got to play in the sprinkler; it was a hot day, but showers in the area cooled things off.  We didn't see any rain at our house, but it did rain literally less than 1/4 mile away. 
Bob and I have removed a large portion of our deck and are replacing it with flagstone and plants.  The deck is huge, and most of it bakes in the sun all day, radiating heat.  The deck is only about 16 inches off the ground because we have a one-story home, so the ground under the deck never dries out, and the boards are starting to rot.  Many of the nails/screws are also rusted.  Now that the deck has been removed, we have been laying flagstone, which is backbreaking work.  Each stone has to be leveled while still sloping away from the house.  We currently have a little more than half the space done, but the rest of it will have to wait until we return from vacation.
We are heading off to Ocean Isle Beach close to the South Carolina state line this Saturday with my daughter and her family (4 people), and my son's family (5 people), as well as one other teenaged boy who is Luke's friend, so we will have a total of 12 people in a 5 bedroom 5.5 bathroom house.  My husband and I are looking forward to this time with family and each other, especially after this past year with both of us undergoing major medical issues.  Time like next week is precious. 
So we'll be soaking up some rays next week, and I'll actually be able to get in the water.  Last year I was 3 weeks out of back surgery and had to keep my incision at the small of my back dry.  It wasn't much fun!  So this year I'll be able to boogey board (yes, I do that, and rather well, I might add!) and walk on the beach without getting exhausted.  The beauty of God's creation never ceases to amaze me, and the shore is a place of tranquility and beauty where land-dwelling creatures meet those that live in the sea.  Two different spheres, yet one world.  Amazing! 

Sick!

You really don't want to know the details of how sick I've been with a flu bug this past week.  I'll spare you the personal details.  I missed a day of work Wednesday and have been back at work since then, but I probably should have stayed home; I need to stay very close to the bathroom! 
I've probably eaten in the past 3 days the same amout of food I usually eat in 1 day.  My intestines have sounded like a volcano erupting, but at least the pain, headache, and chills I experienced Wednesday have abated.  It could be much worse! 
Mothers' Day is Sunday, the day we honor our mothers in this country.  We usually have it at the houses of one of my children, but I decided to treat them this year and am hosting our meal together.  We are in the middle of our string of birthdays in my family; Julian turned 1 on April 27, my son-in-law John turned 43 on April 30, my granddaughter Cami turned 10 on May 5, my son turned 40 yesterday on May 10, and my daughter turns 43 on May 18.  So Mothers' Day is right in the thick of it! 
My daughter-in-law is taking my son, Nate, out for dinner tomorrow evening, so they'll be bringing their 3 small boys over to stay with us while they dine.  They will then be taking little Julian home with them, and Benny and Niland will spend the night.  This will be the first overnight for Benny, so it ought to be interesting.  I have to bake a cake and and muffins for Sunday before the boys arrive or I might not get it done.
Sunday we'll be off to church, then back home.  Bob will hurry to Raleigh to get his 89-year-old mother for the meal and afternoon, and I'll whip up some buttermilk buscuits and something else for lunch, along with some ham. 
The weather is supposed to be stellar.  We had record heat in March and April, and now we're a bit below normal, but not much.  Sunday should be a pleasant day with some clouds tossed in for good measure.
Even if you don't celebrate Mothers' Day, bless your mother Sunday -- if she's still living.  Without her you'd not have life. 

Goosed!

While coming home from work the other day, it landed upon me to protect the lives of 2 parent Canadian geese and their five gosslings -- at least I think there were five; it was hard to tell given the circumstances.
My subdivision is off a 4-lane, divided road that's almost like a highway because the speed limit is 55 mph.  Although it's very open, it's also curvy in one section right before the turnoff into the subdivision, and there's a divider of grass about 15-20 feet wide in the middle.  As I came around the curve the other day, I was in the left lane and was leading a "pack" of cars that had just gone through the light, and there, right in the divider and heading onto the roadway, were two geese with their little ones!  I was destined to hit them unless I stopped!  As I braked quickly, I turned on my car flashers and prayed that no one would rearend me or the car behind me!  The geese and gosslings were literally right in front of my bumper and heading into the right lane of traffic when I realized that the drivers in the other lane could not see why we were stopped, and my heart went into my throat as I feared that I'd witness the wipeout of an entire family of geese in a split second!
Fortunately, the driver of the first car in the right lane slowed down and stopped just as the geese waddled and squacked their way onto the other side of the road.  I watched them go as I tried to keep my eyes on the traffic backing up behind me, thankful that a pileup had not occurred and grateful that the goose family had successfully crossed the road.  Needless to say, I was a bit shaken by the event.  I just hope they don't try to go back where they came from!
There is a natural drainage area at the side of our property, and it runs the entire length of the subdivision and then goes under the 4-lane road, and as the water ponds there, it attracks all kinds of wildlife, including ducks and geese.  It's a natural area that invites them to nest and hatch their young, and since the geese don't have any reasoning capabilities, if they decide to cross the road -- well, they cross the road, and it's upon the drivers to not hit them.  I encountered this migration about two weeks ago when I was going to the bank and ended up behind a car that was protecting some geese as they crossed another road with their little ones.  Since I'm an animal lover, I'll stop and let them pass while I enjoy the sight. 
The black-capped chickadee babies in the nest in one of our birdhouses are finally gone.  Much quieter outside now!  Found a robin's nest the other day and are waiting for eggs to appear.  I love this time of year when nature reproduces and we're blessed with the cycle of life that God has established.  And today little Julian is one year old!  And I must remind myself that I'm a year older than I was when he was born!  Time passes, babies are born, children grow up, parents grow older, and grandparents grow old.  Grab every day with enthusiasm and thank God for it. 

New Readers!

I'm continually amazed at the internet.  For the first time, people in Brazil are reading this blog!  Welcome!  I hope you find truth and hope in my feeble attempts to convey God's love through my everyday activities.  Japan is also a newcomer, and Russian readers have been strong the last week.  I want you to know how much I appreciate your readership.  Without you I'd be sending these posts into cyberspace!
The internet is a powerful tool and can be used for good or evil, as every knows.  Technology has changed our world in the last two decades in ways that were only science fiction when I was a young girl.  I tell my grandkids about not having a television when I was very small, and when we got one, it had only 3 stations and everything was in black and white.  They smirk at me as they use their Droids to text their friends!  Satellite now brings so many stations into homes that it's ridiculous; we have satellite television and get a lot of stations, but we watch only a few that are our favorites.  Actually, we hardly watch television, probably not more than 10 hours a week, if that! 
Anyway, it would be great to hear from my old and new readers through posting a comment.  Again, thanks for reading and making my need to write rewarding and fulfilling. 

Stairs and Faith

What do stairs have to do with faith?  I'll tell you!  I work on the 5th floor of a building, and there are 98 stairs in the interior stairwell.  I used to go up them but only go down since my back surgery; my plan is to drop enough of those extra pounds (some are already gone - Yeah!) added during my back injury to be able to do the stairs in a reasonable amount of time soon!  So I usually take the stairs down to the first floor during my lunch break, and this is where faith comes into play.  I know exactly how many stairs are between floors -- 2 sets of 12 stairs except between the 1st and 2nd floors, where there is one set of 8 stairs and 2 sets of 9 stairs -- but I find it extremely difficult to go down the stairs without looking at them!  How silly is that?!  I've counted them multiple times, yet to look at the wall and take each step causes me to pause at the eleventh step and cautiously take the last one!  No one has changed the number of stairs in the staircase, so I keep telling myself that I have a lack of faith in what I know to be positively a sure thing!  I'm now trying to take the stairs while focusing my eyes on the wall, but it's not an easy thing to do when I'm so used to looking as I put my foot on each step.
Faith is like that.  God is the same yesterday, today and forever.  His promises are true.  So why do we think we have to see every step that we take?  Stepping out in faith when there doesn't appear to be anything there is not easy, but it's the only way to move forward in God.  I'm faced with faith-walking in the realm of my book sales now, and I can tell you that I don't see anything happening.  I want to see what's next; I want to see that God's promises to me are fulfilled, but not seeing the future is what keeps me walking in faith.  The Lord is calling me to writing and speaking, and I must continue to have faith that it will come about.  Easy?  No, but I'll cling to what God has told me as I step out in faith every day.

Learning Curve

With "Amanda's Hope" published, I'm languishing in the language of computers.  WestBow Press has set up a Yahoo account for me, as well as one on Facebook, AuthorsXpress, Twitter, TwitterFeed, AuthorCentral, and a few others.  The only ones with which I'm remotely familiar are Yahoo and Facebook.  I'm completely lost on the others.  Marketing this book is time-consuming, and since I work full-time, I'm stressed to the max about learning this other stuff.  I'm trying to find a college marketing student who'd be willing to help me learn how to use these social media, but my search is only one day old.  Young people have had computers around all of their lives; older people like me (notice I did not say "old") have a huge learning curve.  Yes, I use computers daily, but my knowledge is limited to the programs I use on my job, e-mail, and the Facebook thing.  I can't fix anything computer problem if something happens.  I use what I know and I know what I use.
I put up a post on my "official blog" and shared it on Facebook and Twitter, but I have no idea who will get my tweet.  It did show up on Facebook, and you can see the post by going to  www.barbaranstewart.authorsxpress.com. 
Publishing a book is great, but it will do no good sitting in boxes and not being read.  The message of waiting until marriage for sex, the right to life of the unborn, the need to live a godly life, are all detested by the enemy of our souls, who is doing his best to keep this book and its message from getting out there.  I know I've been targeted because these things have happened in my life since March 19:  Husband Bob suffered a heart attack; the driver of another car pulled out in front of me without stopping at a stop sign, causing me to swerve to the left to avoid hitting him; a bicyclist turned directly in front of my car at an intersection, and I narrowly avoided hitting him; Bob didn't see and yield the right-of-way to another car at an intersection and we were almost hit; and a candle started a towel on fire in my son's house yesterday while I was there.  Thank God the fire was quickly extinguished by pulling the burning towel into the sink and turning on the water.  Not for a minute do I consider these events coincidences; they've all occurred since March 19, the day I gave final approval for the printing of "Amanda's Hope." 
I know full well that I'm in for battle with the writing of the book, but God's truth always prevails and God's will is never thwarted!  Please lift me and my family in your prayers for protection from the enemy.  I covet and cherish your prayers and your readership.  If you can go one step further and purchase a copy of "Amanda's Hope", you'll be standing with me in the fight for the rights of the unborn and for the truth of God's Word. 

The Help

Once we were home, Bob, being male, immediately started trying to figure out how he could get back to work.  He owns a vending company, which means he fills drink and snack machines, and his routes take him to Raleigh, Durham, Research Triangle Park, and surrounding areas.  If the machines are allowed to run empty, he loses money and increases the risk of vandals breaking into the machines.  An empty machine signals lots of money in the box.
Anyway, in order to prevent Bob from doing too much, Ellen, his oldest daughter, organized friends and family to help Bob on his routes.  Since he couldn't lift any more than 8 pounds at a time for 2 weeks, that meant lifing 12-packs of soda wasn't allowed.  Bob came home on Wednesday, rested on Thursday, and was out for the first time on Friday with Billy, his son-in-law, who took the afternoon off so he could help.  Kristen, Bob's daughter, also came over, and the help they gave us was amazing.  Billy went with Bob and did all the heavy work of the vending, and Kristen stayed at the house.  She vacuumed every room, and that was a big job since the house hadn't been vacuumed for 3 weeks.  The weekend before Bob's attack, I had gone to the Joyce Meyer convention in Winston-Salem from Thursday afternoon to Saturday afternoon, and when I got home, I worked in the yard with Bob.  After church on Sunday, we worked in the yard again, including spreading the last of the 20 cubic yards of mulch which we had worked to spread the prior weekend.  I had every intention of vacuuming the house Monday night, but spent it instead at the hospital with Bob, so by the time Kristen cleaned it, it was a mess -- leaf litter, pine needles, dirt, yard debris -- all of which came in on shoes, and CAT FUR!  I didn't know Kristen was going to clean, and when I came home and found my house vacuumed, I was so surprised and very grateful.  And after Kristen finished cleaning the house, she went outside and began pulling weeds in a bed that runs alongside the garage.  The weeds had gotten out of control last year due to my back surgery and recovery, and some of the landscape beds had been overrun with grass and weeds, ruling with an iron fist.  But Kristen dethroned many of them!
Later, when Billy and Bob came home, I fixed dinner, including T-bone steaks on the grill, and we had a wonderful time with just Billy and Kristen -- no kids, no other people, just one-on-one.  We are so thankful for the energy and time they gave to us and all the work they did.
On Saturday, my son Nathan came over and helped.  Bob doesn't usually work on Saturdays, but he wanted to get caught up on some of the work that he'd missed.  Monday's help was David, a friend from church; Tuesday's help was Jerry, a friend who sings in the chorus with Bob; Wednesday, Ellen, Bob's oldest daughter, took the day off to help; Jerry came back on Thursday; and Friday, Clay, a friend from church.  Thanks to everyone for giving so selflessly of your time and energy to Bob! 
Today is Saturday, and Bob has gone to Cary to sing in The General Assembly Chorus's Pretty in Pink Concert.  The GA is an all-male a capella babershop group, and the concert is to raise money for Pretty in Pink, a non-profit group here in North Carolina that provides free medical care for women with breast cancer who don't have insurance or when insurance doesn't cover the cost of treatment.  There's an afternoon perfomance at 2:00 and another this evening at 7:30.  Rehearsal is this morning, and Bob will be sitting down as much as possible to conserve his strength for the performances.  It will be a long day for him, but he really wants to be part of the concert.
The only residual physical ailment from his stent procedure is the bruise that resulted from the catheter placement in the vein in Bob's groin.  He has a massive bruise which has migrated down his leg, almost to his knee, and across his abdomen, and it causes him a lot of pain, especially when he gets up after sitting or resting.  Eventually, the bruise will dissipate, and so will the discomfort.
So we're now getting back to "normal," but we have a fresh, profound understanding that life is fragile and we have only the moment we're in.  None of us know when we will breathe our last breath, when our hearts will beat their last beat, so we need to be ready to move on to our eternal home.  Hug your loved ones, speak kind, encouraging words, help unselfishly, give abundantly, and serve and love God.  Winning the lottery doesn't matter; having nice cars in a huge house doesn't matter; taking expensive vacations doesn't matter; none of these things have value in God's sight.  Live each day as if it were your last, living for God while preparing to meet Him, for everyone will stand before Him one day.

Home Again

Hospitals are notoriously easy to get into but difficult to leave!  That was the case with Bob's hospitalization.  He was given the green light to go home before 9:00 a.m. on Wednesday, March 21, but it was 2:25 p.m. when we left the hospital.
But the day was not wasted.  Bob's nurse for the day, Courtney, introduced herself to him and warned him the process could take several hours.  Before I arrived that day, Courtney had seen a book which I had taken to Bob for him to read during his stay, "America's Providential History."  Bob explained a little about the book to her, and she was very interested in it because she had homeschooled her children prior to moving to North Carolina from Pennsylvania about 6 months earlier, and her young boys love history. 
During the ensuing hours, she came into Bob's room frequently and told us how things were progressing.  Mostly, we were waiting for everyone to sign off on his discharge papers and for the pharmacy to fill his prescription for his free month of heart medication.  Since Bob wasn't the only one being discharged, he had to "wait in line," so to speak.  Anyway, we could tell from the way Courtney spoke and the things which she spoke about that she was a Christian, and I wondered if she'd found a home church since her move from Pennsylvania.  I know that finding a new church home is one of the most difficult things when a person moves.  So I asked her, "Have you found a church home yet?"
"Yes, we're going to Durham to King's Park."
Together, Bob and I exclaimed, "That's our church!"
Courtney and her husband had been attending for about 2 months!  God is amazing, isn't He?!  We got Courtney's e-mail address from her and informed her that we could connect her to people her age in the church, as well as others who homeschool.  She was so grateful, and we were so excited that she attended our church.  You might wonder why we'd never seen her -- well, King's Park seats about 2100 people, although it isn't full on Sundays, and it's difficult to find people you know, not to mention noticing people you don't know! 
Lunch time arrived at the hospital and we were still there.  Again, I was blessed with a meal on a tray.  Later, Bob got dressed and ready to leave, and after Courtney explained everything to us as she handed Bob his medication (we later got 3 more prescriptions filled at the pharmacy close to our house), Bob walked out of the hospital!  We thought he'd have to be wheeled out, but they allowed him to walk!  It was amazing to see him do that so soon after his heart attack.
He was so happy to be home; he's been resting and working some, but only light work.  I can testify to the fact that he's not been doing any heavy work or straining himself.  We e-mailed Courtney later in the week and told her where we usually sit every Sunday in church, and after the service, she found us and introduced us to her husband.  "You look so good!" she exclaimed as she gave Bob a hug.  It turned out that the people we were sitting next to were involved in homeschooling, so Courtney and her husband got to meet them right then.
Our friends pretty much swarmed Bob at that point, including two of our pastors and elders, who laid hands on him and prayed for him.  Many people were surprised to see Bob in church in the first place!
We realize that God's hand was on Bob the entire time.  Stents do not work on everyone.  An attorney at the office where I work had open heart surgery to perform a quadrupal bypass the Friday after Bob's attack because stents would not work for him.  He will not be back to work for weeks.  We're so grateful that the stents fixed Bob's problems. 
Looking back, we can see that the blockages in Bob's heart were building up over a long period of time.  Even last summer he was out of breath when he'd do heavy work and would often sit down to rest, his face flushed as he struggled to breathe deeply.  Even though Bob is fit and trim, his genetics couldn't be controlled, and the plaque that built up over time finally caused a very significant, sudden problem.  But God was still in control!

"Amanda's Hope"

As an aside from the stressful event of last week, my book, "Amanda's Hope - A Choice for Life", which started me on this blogging journey, is available and can now be purchased at http://www.westbowpress.com/.  Simply type the book title in the search box to find it.  It's available in e-book, paperback, and hard cover. 
I don't have a huge reader base on this blog by a long shot, but any help you can give me in spreading the word about the book's availability will be hugely appreciated!  Please spread on Facebook or similar sites to friends, family, and your home churches.  I don't consider it a coincidence that my husband's heart attack happened as soon as this book was printed, nor the fact that I've almost been involved in two car accidents.  Please read my old blogs to get the gist of the story -- I don't want to give it away.  And thanks in advance for your support! 
I'll finish my husband's story soon.  He's doing extremely well, for which we're very grateful. 

Hospital Stay

Once in the room, Bob was talking animatedly and asking when he could go home from the hospital! When he actually understood that he had to stay 1 or 2 nights, he realized the seriousness of his condition. 
Family was gathered round.  Bob didn't get any rest, that's for sure.  He kept asking for food and lifting his head as he spoke, but he was supposed to lay flat until the cath that had been placed in his vein in his groin was removed, and that couldn't happen until his blood count (whatever they were counting) was below 170.  At 7:30 p.m. it was down to 175, so they couldn't remove it yet.  This had to do with clotting of his blood so he wouldn't bleed profusely once the cath was removed. 
Around that time, I had to retrieve my car from the valet service that had parked it for me when I followed the ambulance to the hospital.  As I was walking to get it and park it so I knew where it was, Bob's mother called on his phone, which I had with me.  I assured her he was doing well and that I would have him call her once I got back to the room, which I did.  He re-assured his mother he was fine and that everything was going to be okay.  She was so glad to hear his voice!
Eventually, family filtered out as night approached.  Kristen, Bob's youngest daughter, and her hsuband Billy were still there when Bob's blood count finally dropped down to 136 the next time it was checked, and the cath could be removed.  With that process on the horizon, Kristen and Billy went home.  I think shortly afterward a small meal was brought to Bob, the first food he'd had since the morning.  I was not allowed to stay during the cath removal procedure, so I went to the small waiting room down the hall and called my sisters, one in Florida and the other in Kansas, to let them know what had happened.  By the time my calls were complete, I was able to be with Bob again. 
The removal involved pressing down very hard on Bob's body as the cath was pulled out so bleeding was stopped, and this was done for about 10 minutes.  Afterward, a compression bandage was applied, which was long, went in a crosswise fashion, and had a huge wad of gauze under it.  This kept more pressure on the vein.  (Bob developed a huge, black bruise from this procedure due to the blood thinning drugs he'd been given.)  Bob had to continue lying flat for 4 more hours.  I finally left the hospital at 10:30 pm, exhausted but relieved that he was going to be fine.
Bob later told me that he didn't get much sleep all night as he was awakened by nurses constantly checking his blood pressure and the air mattress inflating and deflating on a regular basis.  Billy and Drew, 2 of Bob's son-in-laws, had driven to the ER where he'd initially received treatment and drove his van back to the house; they then retrieved some personal items for Bob, including his CPAP machine for his sleep apnea.  Even though he had this during the night, there was too much activity for him to get much sleep.  He was finally able to get up and use the restroom at 1:30 a.m.
I got little sleep as well as there were thunderstorms pounding our area in the wee hours of the morning.  I got up at 6:30 a.m. and started laundry; I responded to numerous e-mails; I paid bills on-line; I called people.  I packed Bob an overnight bag and some reading material.  I finally returned to the hospital around 11 a.m., still exhausted.
The day was uneventful, thank goodness.  More people came to visit, and we enjoyed their company.  Bob received numerous calls on his cell phone from friends in his chorus and from our church.  I ate lunch with him -- extra trays blessed me with a great meal!  WakeMed, your meals are very good!  I was impressed with the quality and quantity of the food.  Bob ate every bit on his plate; he was hungry!  Evening came, and with it more visitors.  Bob was able to get up and walk around and use the restroom.  It was amazing to see him do that so soon after the heart attack.
I left the hospital around 8:30 p.m.; I was afraid I'd fall asleep while driving, I was so tired.  As soon as I headed home on I-40, I saw lightning in the distance, and I drove right toward the storm.  The streaks of lightning in the sky were awesome, shooting from east to west and to the ground in brilliant flashes.  Thankfully, I arrived home about 2 minutes before another deluge began.  At least the thunder wasn't so loud that it kept me awake when I collapsed into bed, getting less than 6 hours of sleep after responding to e-mails again.
In the morning, I hurried off to the hospital anticipating that Bob would be discharged.  His doctors had already been to see him when I arrived around 9 a.m., and he was allowed to go home, but that process took all day!
Again, this will have to be continued -- too much to write about in one sitting! 
This was a day the Lord made -- He makes every day, and we are to rejoice and be glad in it! 

Sudden Turn of Events

Monday, March 19, 2012, started out to be a usual day but did not end that way. 
I called my husband, Bob, during my lunch break, something I don't usually do, and he sounded very tired, but I knew he WAS tired so didn't think much of it.  I returned to work after lunch and then received a phone call from Bob at 2:45 p.m.  I don't remember what he said initially, but I knew something wasn't right and asked him if he was feeling okay.  He responded, "No!  Call 9-1-1!"
"Are you serious?" I asked.
"Yes!  I need you to call 9-1-1!"
"Where are you?" Bob owns a vending business and travels around locally, restocking the machines.  He had gone to work as usual that morning, but I had no idea where he was when he called.
"I"m on Miami!" he gasped.  "Oh, God, it hurts!  Please make it stop hurting!"
"What hurts?"
"My chest!  It feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest!  I can't breathe!"  Bob's voice was stressed and he gasped for air. 
"You're driving in the van?"
"Yes, I'm going home!  Call 9-1-1!"
"You should call; you know where you are!"
"I'm going home; have them meet me there!  I'm turning on Lumley now!"
Once he told me that, I knew where he was, and the thought came to me that he should get himself to the new WakeMed Healthplex Center 2-3 miles from our house.  I could tell Bob was frantic, and I was helpless.  "Okay, Bob, don't go home!  Try to get yourself to that new ER facility at the end of TW Alexander!"
"Okay, but it hurts!  I can't breathe!"
I spent the next few minutes trying to calm Bob down as I kept talking to him as he drove.  Every 30 seconds I asked him where he was, and when he had to stop at the stoplight to cross Rt. 70, I was wondering if he'd make it.  I wasn't thinking a heart attack, but I knew that something was seriously wrong. 
"This light is so long!" Bob exclaimed.  "Change, please change!"
After the light changed, Bob found the entrance to the ER facility, and once he parked the van, I told him I was on my way and hung up.  It took me about 15 minutes to arrive.
When I got there, the waiting room was empty.  Since the place is new, few people know it's there.  (When it opened, I had jokingly told Bob that it would be a good place to go if we ever had an emergency since it was so close to our house.)  I was immediately taken back and saw a doctor who told me that Bob was going to be okay and that he suffered a heart attack.  I couldn't believe it!  Heart attack?!  Sure, he's 64, but he's not overweight, is active and strong, doesn't smoke or drink, and doesn't have high blood pressure or high cholesterol!  Heart attack?! 
The doctor explained that Bob was going to be transferred by ambulance to WakeMed Raleigh Heart Center, where the blockages in his heart would be cleared and stents inserted.  When I got to see Bob, he was sitting up on a gurney with IVs in him and sensors and wires all over his chest.  He was awake and appearing rather stunned, but otherwise handling things well. 
Within ten minutes, the ambulance arrived.  He was loaded in and whisked off while I waited for driving directions to get to where I needed to go.  When I stepped outside, I heard an ambulance siren in the distance; I later learned it was his.
I arrived at the Heart Center about 35 minutes later, had my car parked with a valet service, and was told where to go.  Once in the waiting room, I made a phone call to one of Bob's daughters and asked her to pass on the information to the others.  I called my daughter and son and friends in church.  Family soon arrived, for which I was very grateful.  With each new family member's arrival, I had to tell the story again of how Bob drove himself to the ER. 
I can't even remember what time the doctor came out, but the news was good.  Bob had 3 blockages in his heart - one 85%, another 90%, and still another at 99% blocked, which of course was the one that had triggered the event.  Stents had been placed in the arteries after the blockage had been cleared, and everything looked good.  Bob came through the procedure well.
About 15 minutes later, Bob was being wheeled through the hall, and we went to his room, arriving before he did.  One of the first things he asked was when he could go home.
I'll continue this in another blog, hopefully tomorrow, but we are so very thankful to God for his provision through this event.

Monday, March 19

Normal days can suddenly turn in any direction, and Monday was a most traumatic day.  My husband, Bob, suffered a heart attack.  Even now I can hear your collective gasps as you read this, but rest assured, he is at home and is well on his way to a full recovery.
God is good, and we're so very thankful to Him that He did not call Bob home Monday.  I'll go into detail in a few days -- needless to say, I've been overwhelmed -- and give you the particulars on this defining event, but in the meantime, please keep both of us in your prayers as we move forward.

Mulch, Mulch, and More Mulch!

Spring has arrived early in North Carolina, not that we had much of a winter!  Only one snowfall, which was so light it accumulated only on the grass, and no drastically cold temperatures made it one of the mildest winters on record.  But SPRING has arrived!  The Bradford pear trees are in full bloom, and although they are strikingly beautiful draped in white flowers, their fragrance is quite awful.  We have nine of these popular trees along the edges of our yard, so it's not exactly pleasant to be outside right now.  The temperatures have been soaring into the mid 80's, way above normal for this time of year, but we'll take it!
Our gardens were mostly neglected last year due to my back injury and surgery, so we have undertaken to spread pine bark mulch on them.  Last Friday we had 20 cubic yards of mulch delivered, and it filled almost all of the driveway.  That's one whole dumptruck full of mulch!  Bob had a friend come over and help spread it on Saturday, and it was a grueling process.  Weeds had to be pulled first.  The mulch had to be shoveled into a wheelbarrow and then dumped and spread.  We worked about six hours Saturday and spread about 2/3 of the mulch.  We worked another three hours Sunday afternoon.  Bob's friend came on Monday when I was at work and wheelbarrowed most of the remaining mulch to the perennial gardens, but in the process covered low-lying branches, weeds, and plants.  That evening and the next, I had to uncover what shouldn't have been covered and pull the weeds that had gotten buried, as well as pull off mulch that had been dumped too deep.
With that done, Bob and I attacked the perennial garden on our back slope last evening, hacking away and removing dandelions and other weeds.  The bed is now ready to be mulched.  Bob is going to order another 20 cubic yards of mulch for spreading this weekend.  This second truckload should complete the row of azaleas along the side of the yard, the perennial garden on the slope, and the shade garden we're trying to establish. 
Mulch holds in moisture and keeps out weeds, but if the weeds aren't pulled first, they simply grow through the mulch -- unless it's a foot deep.  Weeds remind me of sin in our lives -- they grow where they're not wanted and set down deep roots unless we get rid of them while they're small.  There's always a lesson to be learned from nature; God's lessons are everywhere.  We simply need to open our eyes to the wisdom He has incorporated into his creation.   

Time with Benny

All of us know that we are uniquely and individually created, and with 5 grandsons under the age of 4 in our family, that fact is profoundly clear.  My son's middle son, Benny, got to stay with us, one-on-one, last Saturday for several hours.  His older brother, Niland, had a birthday party to attend close to our house, so they came for a visit first, and when Nate and Niland left for the party, Benny stayed.
Benny is 2 years 7 months old and quite conversant, although sometimes difficult to understand, as is often the case with someone that age.  I didn't know if he'd stay by himself since he'd never done that before and he's very attached to his brother.  But he stayed, and we had so much fun!  It was a sunny but chilly day, so we bundled up and went outside.  I told him I wanted to show him my flowers, so we walked to the back of the deck to see the daffodils. 
"What color are they, Benny?" I asked.  Benny knows his colors well, so I knew he'd answer correctly.
"Yellow."  Benny paused before continuing.  "I don't like yellow."
Aghast, I exclaimed, "But I like yellow!  It's my favorite color!"
Without missing a beat, Benny replied, "It's not my favorite color."  Now where did he get such a strong opinion?  I laughed.
"What's your favorite color?"

"Green."  I chuckled and took his hand as we headed off on our walk.
Upon our return, we spent time playing with PlayDoh.  The last time Benny had played with the stuff, he thought it was something to eat or put in his nose, but not this time.  I rolled long strands of orange 'carrots', and Benny cut them with a pair of child scissors.  Never tiring of the experience, we did it again and again.  We made funny noses and funny fingers, doing battle with each other and talking funny.  We cut sharks from flattened doh and attacked each other.  Changing to green-colored doh, I rolled green beans -- and they looked so real!  Benny gathered them in his hands and smashed them together.
Papa took over while I got dinner in the oven.  We watched a video.  We petted Delilah, who laid her ears back and looked at me as if saying, "The kid touches me, and I'm outta here!"  Oddly enough, Benny simply watched me pet her.  We played with toy dinosaurs; the biggest one was Benny's favorite.  He'd taken it on our walk and had chased me with it.  I was bitten by that dinosaur many times! 
We were back in the PlayDoh when daddy and Niland showed up.  Benny eagerly told them all he'd done, and I complained that Benny did not appreciate the color of my daffodils.
One-on-one with Benny; no competition from other children!  It was so much fun!  Now we need to do it with each of our grandchildren. 
Just as we desire to spend time with our grandkids, our Heavenly Father desires to spend time with us.  That's the only way we'll get to know Him.

DONE!

After countless grueling hours at the computer, "Amanda's Hope -- A Choice For Life" is finished!
When I started this process, I had no idea how intense it would be, and I can honestly say I'm relieved to have it completed.  I'm ready to sign off on the galley and covers after I get the final word from a friend who is reviewing the manuscript one last time.
Writing a novel 300 pages long isn't something I ever dreamed of doing.  When I was a child, I wanted to be an artist when I grew up!  But life has a way of interrupting plans, and out of necessity I went into the legal secretarial field.  Now, however, a passion to write and speak is burning in my soul, and I believe God is going to use this book to launch my later-in-life-and-more-fulfilling career.  I've felt trapped in a box for months and am eager to see what God is going to do!  I may be over 60, but God isn't finished with me yet!
Thanks for your support and prayers, and I ask that you continue to pray for God's leading as I step out of the boat and walk in faith on the waters placed before me!

Simple Lesson

Okay, I know it's been way to loong since I posted, but I've been busy!  My job has required a level of work for me that makes it difficult to leave my desk and get a drink of water or coffee!  As most of you probably know, when you come home, you want to just sit and not do anything, but most of us don't have that luxury.  Dinner to prepare, laundry to wash, kids who need time and attention, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc. calls to us, and we MUST answer!  I'd dare to say that most of us have other things to do besides the ordinary, too, and my project has been my book.  I've spent tedious hours going over the manuscript and came up with over 60 errors/changes that had to be made, but those are done and now I have to look at it again to make sure everything is set so it can go to press.  The jacket is ready, and once I sign off on both the jacket and interior, things will move forward.
I had a little scare at the beginning of the week.  I developed back pain beginning Saturday afternoon, and it intensified so much so that I left work at noon on Monday, called my orthopedic surgeon, and went to see him at 4 p.m.  X-rays showed I had soft tissue swelling at the surgical site due to calcification of the spine.  I was given tapered Prednisone and a muscle relaxer and told to take it easy, so I took Tuesday off and did nothing but sit at my computer and work on the book with the heatpad on my back.  Friday morning was the first day I had no pain, so I was greatly relieved that there's nothing else going out of whack in my back!
When I woke Friday, the alarm wasn't set to go off for another 45 minutes, so I crawled out of bed, dressed and headed out the door for a brisk walk.  We were enjoying very warm weather for several days in this area so I wanted to take advantage of it because storms were on our doorstep and would sweep in much cooler temperatures.  As I walked down the street that connects to ours and which is the main street through our development, I saw an old truck parked at the curb.  I'd seen this truck before -- last summer some men were working on it in the driveway of one of the houses.  It looked much better now as the interior had been restored and the exterior was in the process of being done, leaving the truck body with gray and red patches. 
Then God revealed a simple lesson to me.  We're like that truck.  It had been wasting away somewhere when someone came along and decided it was worth value, pulled it from the dump, and started giving it a new life.  How like that is God!?  He finds us where we are, lost in our sin, worthless and falling apart, and sees our value and what we can become.  He pulls us from the dump and changes us from the inside out, restoring our hearts, which is then reflected in our bodies.  Soon, we're functioning again, working for His kingdom and His glory.
A rescued vehicle which is beautiful just on the outside isn't what someone expects.  When a vehicle is restored, the interior is also done, which is the way God works.  If you feel like you've been discarded and left to decay, remember that God knows where you are and wants to pull you from the trash heap of Satan's kingdom to bring you into newness of life and complete restoration in Him.  All you have to do is say yes to the price He paid -- Jesus!