Understanding Death

Bob and I were at my son's house last evening to watch their 3 little boys so they could go to a party, thrown by my son's co-workers, for him as he was starting his own business.  The youngest boy, Ian, was sleeping already, but we got to spend some time with Benny and Niland before they finally fell asleep at 9 p.m. with the huge stuffed dog I'd made right on top of them.  Their twin beds are side-by-side in their large bedroom, and when they finally got in it, I asked Niland to move over to his bed rather than beside Benny.  Niland said, "Nana, when I find someone I love, I like to sleep beside them."  And that's how they fell asleep, side-by-side.
My daughter-in-law, Bee, came home after 11; Nate was still at the party as he was the guest of honor.  We were glad to see her as we aren't used to staying up that late, and we had a 25-minute drive to go to get home.  Before we left, Bee asked, "Did I tell you that Niland was asking for Grandma Stewart?"
That's Bob's mother, who passed away December 26.
"No, you didn't."
"Well, he said he wanted to see her, and when I told him that he couldn't because she was in heaven, he started crying."
Niland didn't get to see Mom very often; she was in assisted living, but every time we had a family gathering, we'd make sure she attended.  And Christmas was no exception.  Bob got Mom and we went to my daughter's house, and of course, Nate and Bee and the boys were there.  I can still picture in my mind Bob's mother kissing Ian goodbye as she placed her hands on the sides of his face.  Benny and Niland gave her hugs and kisses goodbye, too, not knowing that she would be dead in less than 24 hours.  With the funeral held in Alabama because that's where Mom spent her years other than the last few, Nate and Bee did not attend, and nothing was said about Mom to the boys.
When Niland found out, Bee said, he demanded to see her right now.  Bee explained that she'd gone to heaven, that we'd never be able to see her again until we get to heaven, and that she was living with God.  Well, that only made Niland mad at God and disliking heaven.  Bee further explained that Grandma Stewart could see us, but we couldn't see her, but that wasn't to his liking either.  Niland wanted to talk to Grandma Stewart, and he wasn't pleased with not being able to.  Bee told him he could talk to her in his heart, and then he said, "I want to go to the highest mountain so I can see her in heaven!"  Niland was mad at God and wanted him to know it!  A few days later, Niland asked his mom if his Lola and Papa (Bee's parents) were old, meaning were they going to die.  It's been a journey for Nate and Bee, exploring and explaining death to a boy who's heart broke for someone he loved even though he didn't know her very well.
Hearing these thoughts that had come from my grandson's heart touched us so deeply, and even now, brings me to tears.  Death is never easy to understand for the young and often for the old.  Mom said more than once that she thought God had forgotten about her.  She was 90 years old when she passed into glory.  We'd had to prepare ourselves for the moment she would leave us, but one is never fully prepared.  Even as we left her on Christmas day back in her apartment and started to drive home, I said to Bob, "Thank God we had Christmas with her.  We don't know if we'll have another."  This wasn't prophetic but simply reality.  Twelve hours later, she had the stroke that took her life.
As we go through our days, little things bring Mom to mind - seeing her pictures on our computer, finding a note she'd written, realizing we can't go see her, seeing a note Bob had written on a scrap of paper reminding him to purchase something Mom needed - and we're reminded of our own brevity of life and how precious is each day.  Living causes pain in ultimate death, yet it is the cycle established by God, who knows our pain.  We celebrate each new life added to our families and mourn the passing of others.  Yet this life is not the end - it is the place where our future, eternal life is determined.  We can't eliminate the pain our own deaths will bring our loved ones and friends, but we can soften our passing by giving our loved ones hope in our faith in Jesus Christ. 

Goodbye, Mom

As I write this, we are planning to travel to Huntsville, Alabama, for my mother-in-law's funeral.  She lived in that town for approximately 50 years in the house she and her husband built in 1960.  When her health became such that she could no longer live by herself, we moved her to an assisted living facility in Raleigh so she could be close to us.  I never met her husband as he passed away in 2000 at the age of 80.
We are so thankful we had time to say goodbye to Mom before she passed from this life.  It's never easy to see someone you love die, yet we all must die sooner or later.  As she lingered on her hospital bed, unaware and unresponsive, our hearts were broken knowing that she'd soon breathe her last breath on earth and would slip into another realm which is more real than this earthly realm.  I didn't mourn for what she was gaining - eternal life - but for my loss and the loss of those around me. 
My husband held his mother's hand, kissed it gently as tears dripped and cried at the loss of her touch.  Her hair was pure white, a crown she wore proudly, and was as fine as baby hair.  Skin as soft as a baby's bottom graced her face, and her hands were spotted from age.  Several inches of height had been stolen to osteoporosis and her middle had thickened with age, but she was Mom.  She was special.  But she is ours no more in the physical realm.
We've cleaned out her apartment, given away her clothes, and divided the remaining furniture and useful objects; she doesn't need them any more.  She's free from all the drudgery of this life, from a body that no longer functions the way it used to, and from the restrictions of being human.  She now has her glorified body and is clothed in righteousness as she worships the God who saved her.
Even as we continue to grieve and say our final goodbyes, we'll remember the woman we knew, the mother, grandmother, greatgrandmother, mother-in-law, and above all - friend - that graced the earth with her presence for the last 90+ years.  Cherished memories now cling to our hearts and minds like raindrops that water the earth as they fall from the sky. 
I've been privileged to know Elizabeth Jones Stewart these last 6.5 years.  But because of Christ, I know I will see her again when He calls my name and I rise to meet Him - what a blessed assurance!

Taken December 23, 2012 - my husband, Bob, his oldest daughter, Ellen (pregnant with her second child), and Mom.