Relief

My post-op appointment was yesterday.  I was relieved of what I didn't know I had but which also explained the odd feeling at the site of my incision.  I was relieved of 9 staples in my back.  Now, I'd been glued together after my other back surgery 3.5 years ago, so it never occurred to me that I would be stapled shut this time.  The incision was a bit longer, so maybe that had something to do with it, but finding out I had staples in my back explained why I felt every bump while riding in the car and why I had to carefully maneuver turning over in bed.  Some things are better left unknown, and it was probably best that I didn't know I had hardware/office supplies in my back.  Staple number 8 was the tough one to get out; the nurse said it was 'crooked', probably like one of those mangled staples that all of us have encountered while trying to staple pages together, but this time it was my skin that was stuck. But they are out, and what a relief it is.  My incision is healing nicely, but the doctor can't figure out why I've been experiencing a low-grade fever and chills some nights and not others, which means I must call him on Friday to let him know how I'm doing.  The nicest thing about having the bandage off and the staples removed is that I can now wash my entire back and not have to keep part of it dry.  However, knowing that I was sleeping on staples gives me the heebee-jeebees.  Glad they are out!
After my post-op appointment, my daughter treated me to a pedicure.  Since I can't reach my toes, and won't be able to for still another 4 weeks, they were in dire need of attention, and she gladly treated me to this luxury as a thank you for taking care of her dogs while they were on vacation a few weeks ago.  To be honest, it was truly my first pedicure.  I've always considered them unnecessary and a luxury treatment that one didn't need if one could trim their own nails, but now that I've had a pedicure since I can't reach my toes, I just might treat myself to one on a regular basis. 
My toenails are now painted a lovely ocean blue.  My daughter had hers painted red, and when she got home and checked on her hens in the back yard, they decided that her feet were now something to be pecked, but that's another story entirely.  My granddaughter has green and pink toenails and fingernails with flowers painted on them.  Such a splurge for a 9-year-old girl, but she's worth it, especially after waiting patiently for her nana to get through at the doctor's office. 
Other than being able to drive now -- with great caution and only if I feel strong enough -- nothing else has changed.  I'm still restricted as to bending, twisting and lifting less than 10 pounds.  I ventured out to the grocery store this morning and gladly asked for assistance.  I was exhausted when I got home and unloaded the groceries very carefully in small quantities.  Naptime soon followed.
The only disappointment of the day is that I had to wear my tennis shoes and socks to go to the store, so no one saw my fancy toenails.  Oh well, maybe next time! 

Setback?

I'm learning that recuperation from surgery is never predictable and smooth.  Yesterday I experienced a day of severe pain which caused me to take the maximum dosage of my pain killer medication.  I have no idea what caused this sudden reversal to severe pain, which brought me to tears, but it seems that the worst of it is over. 
It started in the morning, and I was unable to complete my usual daily chore of watering the potted plants on the deck with the hose, a very easy thing to do.  Besides giving the plants the water they need in these high temperatures, it gives me time outside before the heat drives me inside and allows me visual contact with my flowers to make sure all is well.  But I had to quit yesterday morning and take 2 pills instead of 1, which lowered my pain to a manageable level.  In fact, when the time to take my medication again rolled around, I opted to take only 1 rather than 2 because I wasn't in that much pain.  Big mistake!  Three hours later, right after dinner, the pain came roaring back, making moving impossible without moaning and groaning.  Sitting didn't help; standing didn't help; laying down didn't help -- and I started shivering with cold.  My husband, Bob, kept checking on me while he worked outside, setting sod in the ground so it could start growing.  Eventually, I wandered outside, desperate to get warm, and sat with a blanket around me in 85 degree heat, and it did help me warm up.  I then returned inside and called the 24/7 phone number that was given to me in case of complications.  A few minutes later, the physician on duty returned my call and had me take my temperature -- 99.5.  I was instructed to take 2 ibuprofen with my pain medication and to apply ice to my back to get through the night and to call my doctor in the morning.  Remarkably, the ice and ibuprofen helped me sleep soundly.  I took my pain medication at 4 AM, my usual time, and woke up at 7:30 AM.  Getting out of bed was uncomfortable but not painful.
I called my doctor, who was in the Operating Room at the time, after taking my temperature (97.00 -- really) and have been given instructions by another physician to take Tylenol or Motrin with my pain medication and to periodically continue ice applications.  My doctor will be consulted this afternoon, and I will then be called again.
With my pain level now again under control, albeit with twice the medication, I'm able to function, but my back and hips ache horribly.  Bob looked at my bandage (3.5 inches long) and can't see any redness or swelling around the area, so infection doesn't seem to be responsible, but I would like to know what's causing this sudden setback and acceleration of pain.  Needless to say, I'll be taking it easier (is that possible?), even though I'm tired of sitting!  I've almost completed the blanket I'm making for one grandson and will probably finish it today, but I'm wondering what will then occupy my hands and time.  If I could pull weeds and take care of my gardens, I'd have plenty to do, but such isn't the case!
It looks like we'll get some much-needed rain today; I've been watching the radar on my computer, but I won't hold my breath.  We've had rain come as close as 2 miles and not hit us, so I'm not going to get excited about the showers building to the west; I've been disappointed too many times.  But the wind is picking up and the clouds are rolling in, so maybe . . .
I'm going to close here and sit outside for a few minutes and listen to the birds sing. 

Bits and Pieces

As many of you probably know, being cooped up in your house, for whatever reason, is not enjoyable, and being further restricted by physical limitations adds to the misery.  So when someone thinks about you and actually does something for you, that act of consideration can be an incredible lift to the spirit.  Yesterday was a usual boring day for me -- not that I don't keep busy crocheting, beading and reading, but a person can only take so much of that -- when my daughter called and asked if I'd like to go to a movie with her and her children.  Needless to say, I jumped at the opportunity!  She picked me up 20 minutes later, and off we went to Southpoint Mall.  Arriving half an hour before movie time, we sauntered into Crate and Barrel, where it was no problem for me to pick up a few things on sale.  Then we ambled over to the theater, where we watched "Mr. Popper's Penguines" -- and I highly recommend it.  This was one of the funniest movies I have ever seen, appropriate for young children and grandparents alike!  After the movie, we walked a short distance and had dinner at one of the restaurants, and my daughter delivered me home at 7:45 PM.  My husband had just gotten home from work and gladly ate the contents of the container I brought home with all of our left-overs from our meal -- more than enough to feed him!While we were eating in the restaurant, my granddaughter Cami told me that she wanted to get a lizard for a pet; she was even saving her money to pay for it, including the container that would be the lizard's home.  Now I'm surprised that my very girly granddaughter wants a lizard -- a gecko (is that the right spelling?) to be exact; she doesn't look like the lizard-loving type!  My daugher seemed to go along with the idea but told Cami that she would have to convince her dad, who was on an out-of-town trip at the time.  Personnally, I don't see the need to purchase a lizard when we have them running all over our deck, but I don't know if they are the desired gecko!
Receiving this blessing of a movie and dinner was a God thing -- literally.  We have friends who have been and are bringing food to our home to help me through this convalescent period, and the woman who was supposed to provide the meal yesterday wasn't able to due to unavoidable circumstances.  My daughter's invitation provided not only dinner, but entertainment and time with my grandchildren, which I've been sorely missing due to this back injury.  If my friend had been able to deliver the meal, I would have had to decline my daughter's invitation -- a God thing indeed!
Lizards, movies, dinner, a little shopping, a trip outside my home -- bits and pieces of everyday life.  They are what makes life special.  Enjoy all of your bits and pieces because they make up the painting of your life. 

Garden Delights



One of the things in life that gives me great pleasure is my flower gardens.  Things that I have planted several years ago reliably reappear every year, giving me -- and others -- a feast for the eyes.  My husband and I took so many photos of the flowers the other day that it was difficult for me to choose three to post here.  The first is a purple coneflower, one of nature's most reliable bloomers.  The next is a black-eyed Susan.  These are borne from seeds produced the previous year, and each plant is different in shading and coloring, making for striking changes of color.  The third is one of our many day lily varities.
As I watch  the scene before me change daily, I'm reminded of Genesis 8:22:  "While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and winter and summer, and day and night shall not cease."  I find great comfort in the reliability of the seasons and the rise of the sun each morning.  Everyone expects these things to be dependable.  None of us worries that the seasons won't change or that the sun won't rise, and rightly so.  God has ordained these things; they won't change as long as the earth remains.
As the flowers in my gardens bloom and then fade, the scene changes daily, but I know that my God doesn't change.  He is reliable, no matter what we are going through.  He causes the sun to shine and the rain to fall on both the good and the bad.  He has created everything that fills my eyes with indescribable beauty; He has given me the responsibility to care for the tiny plot of land that is my yard, and enjoying what He has ordained is easy.  I hope you also enjoy the photos here -- they are just a snipet of my gardens, compliments of the Master Gardener.

Home

Amazingly, I returned home about 24 hours after my surgery.  Medical advances have been incredible in the past years, and I'm continually surprised at the length of time, or lack thereof, people stay in the hospital for surgical procedures.  Granted, I think some of those times are too short for some procedures.  I was somewhat hesitant to return home the day after surgery due to the problems I had with pain management 3.5 years ago with my first back surgery; I didn't want my husband to have to call 911 like he did before because I couldn't breathe.  Fortunately, this time the pain has been managed well, which I really can't understand because I'm on the same narcotic that I was on the other time, so I don't understand why it was so different this time, but I'm thankful that it was.  Five hours after surgery, I was up and walking, although rather shakily, and all I walked was from my bed to the door and back.  But as time wore on and I had a meal, I improved quickly.  The night at the hospital wasn't comfortable, and I ended up in the recliner because it was more comfortable than the bed.  And the IV they pumped into me caused me to use the restroom every 1.5 - 3 hours, so it's rather difficult to get a good stretch of sleep when one must use the restroom so frequently.  But my first night at home was good.  I set my alarm clock for 2 AM so I could take my pain killer on time, and then slept through until 6:35 AM when Bob's mother called and woke us up.  I'm restricted from bending, twisting, and lifting more than 10 pounds for the next 6 weeks. 
The incision is uncomfortable in that it's tight and pulls when I sit or stand, and I feel as if I've been hit by a Mack truck in my back at my waistline.  My right leg is numb, much moreso than before the surgery, but that's attributed to the swelling from the surgery and will resolve itself as the swelling subsides. 
I have no recollection of even getting wheeled into surgery.  I remember the anesthesiologist coming into my 'holding pen', and he happened to have the exact same birthdate as me, so we talked about that, and then he started talking to my husband about where he was born, which happened to be Alabama, and since that's where Bob was born, they had a lot to talk about.  I don't remember anything until waking up in the recovery room in a horrific amount of pain.  That was resolved in due order, I went to my room, Bob came in, and I was soon on my feet and walking. 
So recovery now continues at home.  The weather has taken a turn to cooler temps after a much-needed rain, so it's enjoyable to sit outside and watch the hummingbirds and bees.  I've been so thankful for all the prayers that have been offered for me, and I know that God will see me through to complete recovery. 

Preparation

I'm trying to get ready for tomorrow; my surgery is scheduled for 10:15 AM, but there's little I can do in the way of preparation.  I'm trying to find that spot between acceptance and expectation that God will intervene with a miraculous healing.  It's not easy.  I know some people question my faith -- that if I had enough faith, I would have been healed by now; others see me as resigned to surgery, while other see me as quitter, having given up on faith.  Surgery is never pleasant.  I don't think anyone ever looks forward to it other than in the sense that it will bring relief from a physical problem.  The knowledge that the doctor(s) will be digging around inside my backbone is definitely not one I relish, nor do I look forward to the pain of recovery.  But who is to say why any of us go through physical pain and suffering on this earth?  Christians suffer from ailments, including cancer, just like non-believers, and yes, they die untimely deaths, too, so who can say that one has enough faith and another doesn't?  My surgery tomorrow isn't resignation on my part, but acceptance of what God has allowed; my belief that God could intervene still holds strong, but because God has chosen NOT to intervene as of this moment, I must accept and prepare for what lies ahead.I firmly believe that everything that comes my way -- the good, the bad, and everything in-between -- must go through God's hands; He allows everything that happens in my life, even those things that are painful.  It is through those processes that I must lean on His strength and grace and not on my own.  It is through those processes that I grow in patience, character and hope.  Romans 5:3-5:  And not only that, but we also glory in tribulation, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.  Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
So I'll go to the hospital with hope that all will be well, knowing that God has allowed this for a reason, even if the only result is me developing more trust in Him. 

Round Two

I've hesitated posting again because of what I must write.  My appointment with my doctor yielded the decision to undergo surgery to correct the bulging disk in my back, which has simply worsened over time.  My doctor gave me three options:  1) don't do anything and see if it gets better over time (but since it's getting worse, that didn't seem like a good option); 2) have another steroid injection (I've had 2 of those, and neither treatment has given positive results); and 3) undergo surgery -- and that seems like the best and only option left.
I've prayed diligently for healing, and others have also done so, but God, for whatever reason, has chosen me to walk in His grace and mercy through another surgery.  Yes, I've questioned 'why', as I'm sure all of you have done at some point in your life, but God chooses to leave me relying on His strength, because I don't have any of my own.  I spent 2.5 hours yesterday at the hospital undergoing all the pre-op tests and paperwork and am now awaiting a call with the scheduled time for surgery on Monday. 
In the meantime, I'm enjoying things as much as I can.  My back pain gets progressively worse during the day, so the mornings are better for me.  Due to the extreme heat and lack of rain we've been experiencing, I spend an inordinate amount of time watering my potted plants and vegetable garden.  We're enjoying produce from the garden even now -- cucumbers, the first tomatoes, green beans, pattypan squash, zucchini, lettuce, and even potatoes.  I dug around the potato plants that were turning yellow yesterday and found some really nice spuds; one in partcular was as long as my hand!  My grandson Niland helped me plant those potatoes in March, and I can't wait for him to come over and dig out his own potatoes!  He'll be so amazed!  My flower gardens are in full bloom; even the rose I planted in memory of my late sister has bloomed, its red flowers startling in the sunlight, fragrant as can be.  The day lilies are starting to bloom, and the varieties we have range in color from white to dark purple.  Every time I see one, it reminds me of the verse that says Solomon in all his glory wasn't arrayed like one of them.  It's been too hot (97 degrees that last 2 days, and well into the 90's for the last week) to sit outside, so I've been keeping busy inside by doing counted cross stitch and reading, and I've now taken up making jewelry with glass beads.  Challenging and interesting and somewhat frustrating, but the results are worth it. 
I've been able to go to my son's house and watch his 2 boys while my daughter-in-law took the new baby with her to 2 doctor's appointments, one for the baby and one for her.  Even though I can't do much but watch them, I'm able to spend time with them, which I cherish and which keeps me from feeling like I've totally let them down with this back injury.  The baby has put on almost 4 pounds since he was born 6 weeks ago; he's as cute as his 2 older brothers! 
This week I've been taking care of my daughter's 2 dogs; Jack weighs about 65 pounds and Maisy weighs about 45 pounds, and they look almost identical although they are about 9 years apart in age.  They are wonderful company, very obedient and friendly, but shed like crazy!  And since they are both black, the fur is easily seen on the rug.  Combine that with the fur from 2 long-haired cats, and you can understand why there are fur balls rolling around the house.  The dogs and cats have found peace with each other, passing each other in close proximity and going about their business.  As long as the dogs don't stop and put their faces up to the cats, everything's fine.  The dogs return home tomorrow, and then we can vacuum up all that fur! 
I'll try to post again before my surgery.  In order to get rid of the sharp pains in my back, I have to subject myself to something that creates a different pain, all to be free from pain.  Likewise, sin makes our hearts sick, but God can do surgery that ultimately brings complete healing and restoration of the heart -- from a heart of stone to heart of clay, pliable and workable in the hands of God.

Hummingbirds and Lizards



As I sit at home waiting for my back to heal, I have the opportunity to sit outside and watch everything that goes on in my yard where wildlife and nature are concerned.  We have 3 hummingbird feeders, and they are continually in use by our local sonic flyers, so one day I sat literally less than 3 feet from a feeder hung from a tomato cage surrounding a potted tomato.  I've seen so many photos of people holding feeders in their hands and having hummingbirds drink from them while doing so, and I wanted to try to do the same, but instead I opted for simply being close to them.  As I sat, they came, much to my delight!  I clicked away with my digital camera, and one of my best photos is shown here. 

Hummingbirds are amazing.  Their wings make a humming noise which you can hear if you're close enough, and I can hear them around me sometimes even if I can't see them.  They are territorial and will fight for a feeder to call their own by swooping and diving in a huge arc, back and forth, back and forth, as they fend off a rival.  The females aren't as brightly colored as the males, and the species that lives in North Carolina is the Ruby Throated Hummingbird (at least, that's what I think it is).  If you're close enough, you can even see their tiny elongated tongues when they sip the sweet liquid from the feeders.  Their song, as with every species, is unique, and I can easily distinguish it from the other birds. 

As my husband was working in the yard, he moved a piece of downspout, and this lizard came running out, surprising him.  We have lots of lizards, and this one was the biggest we've seen in our yard.  It ran to our screened gazebo and is pictured here, and we estimate it to be 6 inches long.  We don't have any idea what kind of lizard it is, so if any of you do, please let me know!

Watching hummingbirds, lizards, birds, and butterflies calms my soul and soothes my spirit.  We provide a wonderful habitat for all of them, and the pleasure they provide simply by being is worth the work it takes.  These creatures live in the elements and get everything they need from their creator.  They don't worry about tomorrow, and God provides for them.  There's a lot that can be learned from hummingbirds and lizards.  I'm one of their most devoted students. 

Coping with Limitations

It's been 10 days since the steroid injection in my back, and nothing has changed.  I return to my doctor next Tuesday for followup.  I'm beginning to face the strong possibility of a second surgery on my back.  I don't look forward to it at all. 
In the meantime, I'm doing my best to cope with my limitations.  I told my husband yesterday that I feel depressed and useless.  I can't work in the garden; I can't do much in the house; I can't even take a walk down the street.  My frustration is growing by the day.  I've resumed work on a counted cross stitch picture that I haven't touched for years and is 3/4 completed to occupy my hands and mind.  I've also taken up bead work, making earrings, necklaces and bracelets.  I've read all the books I had that I hadn't read -- but I found one more yesterday, so I can read that one now.  However, I can't bring myself to do everyday things, like balancing the checkbook and paying bills.  I can't differentiate one day from the other and often get confused as to what day I did what.  The sameness of my days leaves me confused.
So I'm trying to pull myself out of this funk while coming to terms with the possibility of more surgery.  Yes, I'm questioning God, but I'm trying to do it quietly and politely, but that often doesn't work.  I know He has a purpose in all of this, but I do wish He'd share it with me so I could understand.
Oppressive heat is currently gripping our area.  The high temperatures have reached well into the 90's for several days, and there's no end in sight, so I'm confined to indoors.  I'm an outdoor person, but when it gets this hot, just being outside causes one to sweat.  I was watering our potted plants this morning and had rivers of sweat running down my body -- no hard work required.  We've had adequate rains -- until now.  There's no rain in the forecast that runs for the next week, and the heat is going to dry out the topsoil quickly.  Watering will once again become necessary.
Our perennial garden is blooming profusely.  The day lilies are beginning to bloom, and we have about 12 different varieties.  We've picked pattypan and zucchini squash from the garden.  I harvested the first cucumber yesterday, and I pick blueberries daily.  The tomato plants are four feet tall and growing, and most of them are now loaded with small tomatoes.  Some of the cherry tomatoes are beginning to change color.  I can't wait for that first fresh garden tomato! 
As I wander through my spiritual desert in this time of limitations, I cling to the hope that God will bring me through and that my usefulness and health will be restored.