Bob and I were at my son's house last evening to watch their 3 little boys so they could go to a party, thrown by my son's co-workers, for him as he was starting his own business. The youngest boy, Ian, was sleeping already, but we got to spend some time with Benny and Niland before they finally fell asleep at 9 p.m. with the huge stuffed dog I'd made right on top of them. Their twin beds are side-by-side in their large bedroom, and when they finally got in it, I asked Niland to move over to his bed rather than beside Benny. Niland said, "Nana, when I find someone I love, I like to sleep beside them." And that's how they fell asleep, side-by-side.
My daughter-in-law, Bee, came home after 11; Nate was still at the party as he was the guest of honor. We were glad to see her as we aren't used to staying up that late, and we had a 25-minute drive to go to get home. Before we left, Bee asked, "Did I tell you that Niland was asking for Grandma Stewart?"
That's Bob's mother, who passed away December 26.
"No, you didn't."
"Well, he said he wanted to see her, and when I told him that he couldn't because she was in heaven, he started crying."
Niland didn't get to see Mom very often; she was in assisted living, but every time we had a family gathering, we'd make sure she attended. And Christmas was no exception. Bob got Mom and we went to my daughter's house, and of course, Nate and Bee and the boys were there. I can still picture in my mind Bob's mother kissing Ian goodbye as she placed her hands on the sides of his face. Benny and Niland gave her hugs and kisses goodbye, too, not knowing that she would be dead in less than 24 hours. With the funeral held in Alabama because that's where Mom spent her years other than the last few, Nate and Bee did not attend, and nothing was said about Mom to the boys.
When Niland found out, Bee said, he demanded to see her right now. Bee explained that she'd gone to heaven, that we'd never be able to see her again until we get to heaven, and that she was living with God. Well, that only made Niland mad at God and disliking heaven. Bee further explained that Grandma Stewart could see us, but we couldn't see her, but that wasn't to his liking either. Niland wanted to talk to Grandma Stewart, and he wasn't pleased with not being able to. Bee told him he could talk to her in his heart, and then he said, "I want to go to the highest mountain so I can see her in heaven!" Niland was mad at God and wanted him to know it! A few days later, Niland asked his mom if his Lola and Papa (Bee's parents) were old, meaning were they going to die. It's been a journey for Nate and Bee, exploring and explaining death to a boy who's heart broke for someone he loved even though he didn't know her very well.
Hearing these thoughts that had come from my grandson's heart touched us so deeply, and even now, brings me to tears. Death is never easy to understand for the young and often for the old. Mom said more than once that she thought God had forgotten about her. She was 90 years old when she passed into glory. We'd had to prepare ourselves for the moment she would leave us, but one is never fully prepared. Even as we left her on Christmas day back in her apartment and started to drive home, I said to Bob, "Thank God we had Christmas with her. We don't know if we'll have another." This wasn't prophetic but simply reality. Twelve hours later, she had the stroke that took her life.
As we go through our days, little things bring Mom to mind - seeing her pictures on our computer, finding a note she'd written, realizing we can't go see her, seeing a note Bob had written on a scrap of paper reminding him to purchase something Mom needed - and we're reminded of our own brevity of life and how precious is each day. Living causes pain in ultimate death, yet it is the cycle established by God, who knows our pain. We celebrate each new life added to our families and mourn the passing of others. Yet this life is not the end - it is the place where our future, eternal life is determined. We can't eliminate the pain our own deaths will bring our loved ones and friends, but we can soften our passing by giving our loved ones hope in our faith in Jesus Christ.
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