Adjusting

Three days back at work part-time, and I'm still not with the program!  In a way, it feels like I never left, and in other ways, I still feel like I'm somewhere else!  Some things have changed, both with company computer programs, and with employees, so I've had to ask questions and re-acclimate to the system. 
I'm rather bummed today -- can't bring myself to do much of anything since I got home.  I did a little weed pulling in the flower beds, and that was good, but the sun was torturously hot!  When I started, the sun was behind a much-appreciated cloud, but it moved on and left me with no shade, so the task quickly ended. 
It feels good, at least, to finally be able to do some work outside.  Being forced to watch weeds grow all summer irritated me to no end, so being able to get back at them and pull them made me feel good!  But the process is slow as there are so many weeds and only my two hands. 
I miss the baby birds that lived in the birdhouse for several weeks.  They fledged about four days ago, and if I'd sat and watched continuously, I would have seen them leave, but they were there one minute, sticking their heads out and chirping madly, and the next minute, they were gone.  It's quiet now.  They chirped so loudly that we could hear them with the windows and doors closed.
The monarch butterflies are now abundant in my yard, much to my relief.  I don't know why they took so long to show up, but I'm glad they've arrived.  They migrate to Mexico every year, so maybe they're like me -- reluctant to make the long journey. 
Adjustment is never easy, and the older I get, the more difficult it is for me.  It won't be long before I can start counting the days until retirement!  By then, my oldst grandchild will be in college! 

Returning to Normal

Here I sit, and in less than 1.5 hours, I'll be back at work.  Preparing mentally and emotionally, as well as physically, hasn't been easy.  I greatly appreciate my job, but being in the workforce was not something I chose but was necessary when my children were very small.  As with many things in life, events occur which put us in positions in which we never would have gone voluntarily, and that's what happened to me.  I've never been able to break that cycle and have remained in the work force out of necessity all of my adult life.  The last 3.5 months, although filled with pain, have given me a break from the rat-race of life, and returning to it is going to take some adjusting.  My cats will certainly miss my presence at home!
As with every challenge I've ever faced, I'm looking to God to hold me up during this time of transition.  I'm trusting that, once I've gotten back into the groove of work, I'll be glad to be there. 
By the way, I saw my first monarch butterfly in our yard yesterday and watched as it flew from one butterfly weed to the next laying its eggs.  As I sit and type this, I'm looking out our windows and have seen several other monarchs this morning, and I'm thrilled about seeing them.  Soon we'll have those gorgeous caterpillars devouring the plants.  All of this reminds me that the cycle of life goes on and that God has orchestrated all of it. 

Where are all the Monarchs?

Monarch butterflies usually abound in our area, but this year, strangely and disturbingly, I haven't yet seen one.  I plant dozens of butterfly weed, a member of the milkweed family of plants, just for the purpose of attracting monarchs, which lay their eggs on the plants.  The eggs hatch and feast on the plants, and I've had such a marvelous time in past years watching the process and being amazed at it.  This year, however, it's already mid August, and I have yet to see one monarch.  The butterfly weed in my flower beds isn't being devoured by those magnificent, colorful caterpillars as they reach 2" long before chrysalizing into these gorgeous turquoise and gold nuggets suspended all over the place.  I often don't find the chrysalises until they are empty, sometimes the following spring, as they are very well hidden.  When I have found one, I watch it closely as the color deepens over the next 2-3 weeks, and right before the butterfly emerges, the chrysalis turns a dark turquoise, the butterfly clearly visible through its thin shell.
But this year, alas, no monarchs.  I've had many other butterflies, but not one monarch, and I've certainly been home enough and outside enough to have seen them if they were here.  Obviously, something has upset the balance of nature and the monarchs' passage through this area, and I'm concerned about that.  I keep checking the butterfly weed to see if any eggs, small as a grain of salt, have shown up, but nothing to date.  The eggs quickly hatch into tiny caterpillars, and they grow like crazy as they strip the plants of vegetation.  The caterpillars boast "horns" on both ends, totally harmless and entirely for show to look threatening to predators, and the bright greenish/yellow and black stripes make them striking in appearance.

Here is a photo taken previously -- and in the meantime, I'll keep my eyes out for any monarchs. 

Moving Forward -- FINALLY!

The doctor visit last Friday yielded good news -- no new bulging or herniation of any discs in my back -- only an excessive amount of fluid buildup at the surgical site!  This should be absorbed with time.  That is what has been causing my pain, but I can say that I've seen a good deal of improvement in the last few days, which is a relief.  I'm planning on returning to work next Monday on a half-day basis for two weeks -- FINALLY!
Our weekend was busy.  Our five small grandsons, all four years of age or less, came for a visit and playtime together on Saturday, and again I'm reminded why only young people have children.  They wear me out!  All of the activity playing, running, squishing play-doh, and feeding that noisy crew is enough to exhaust even the most active grandparent!  But we thoroughly enjoyed having them.  However, we cleaned up after them in stages -- it was just too much to do all at once!  Saturday evening we got together with our "Overdrive" friends from church, a lively bunch of "older folks", to eat and share news and fellowship.  As usual, so much good food made it easy to eat too much!
Sunday saw a trip to our daughter's country club pool -- again with grandchildren, but this time it included Luke (almost 13 years old), Cami (9), Niland (4), and Benny (2).  Little Benny showed up a bit bruised from a fall down the entire flight of wood stairs at his house right before they got ready to leave.  His daddy said that he didn't even cry but looked rather shell-shocked when he got to the bottom.  He's going to have a black eye and bruise on his left cheek -- poor little guy!  But he loves to swim and was soon enjoying his cousins, uncle and aunt, daddy and his nana in the water.  He wears his floaty and floats around in 4 feet of water, perfectly comfortable with being bouyant, and loves to blow bubbles in the water.  Niland has learned to hold his breath and go under water; he's a crazy boy in the pool!  Both of them loved going down the spiral slide and into the water, too.  Cami and Luke have been good swimmers since they were 3 years old, so they were a great help with the small boys.  Niland and Benny will be taking their second swim classes at the Y sometime soon, and I'm sure they'll impress their teachers.
Bob chose not to go to the pool -- he's not a pool person, and he would have gotten a royal sunburn!  So I let him stay home, where he continued to work on painting our kitchen and breakfast area, which is being transformed by the fresh light color.  The area has a vaulted ceiling, but the dark paint (I call it green, but others call it gray) has swallowed the light and has hidden art work, the ceiling fan, and the glass shelf unit, but the light color -- officially called "Mint Whisper" -- has given the room an entirely new look and feel.  The room features 4 sliding glass doors and 2 windows, so there's plenty of light, but the paint swallowed the light and cast a dark hue on everything.  I'm so glad it's going away!
Bob joined us for dinner at my daughter's house, always a fun, tasty affair.  Time with family is so precious; we're blessed to have all of our children and grandchildren close by.  It makes it easy for us to be a part of their lives on a regular basis. 
Now I've got to prepare myself for return to work -- this hasn't been a vacation, but it will be an adjustment to return to punching the time-clock!  I am very thankful that I have a job! 

Waiting

Tomorrow is the doctor's appointment that will give me the go-ahead to return to work or keep me out of work for longer.  I'll get the results of my latest MRI, and I'm really curious as to what is causing the left-side back pain.  Some days the pain is minimal; other days it's almost debilitating.  Doing too much of anything causes it to flare up and my back to burn with pain, so I limit what I do, but sometimes the pain seems to come of its own volition. 
I can't believe that the last time I worked was April 29!  Three months have passed, and in that time, spring changed to summer and summer is now full throttle.  It just doesn't seem possible that I've been out of work with this back problem for so long.  I feel disconnected from my job -- which I am -- and wonder how in the world I'll get reacclimiated when I return, whenever that will be.  Before long, summer will be winding down -- especially in the northern tier of states -- and the days are already getting shorter.  With my first back surgery, I was at home during the winter solstice, and this time, I was home for the summer solstice.  Two extremes, two opposites, and the seasons move on without me doing anything to assist.
I've been watching a birdhouse, one that my granddaughter painted in early spring, because there is a family of wrens in it; I have no idea how many chicks there are because I can't see inside.  The parents have been doggedly bringing insects, caterpillars, and other assorted insects to their young, and I've wondered how in the world those little birds survive this heat.  We've known about them being there for almost two weeks, so they must be getting ready to fledge, and they have endured days of 100+ degree heat several times, yet they are out there chirping like mad when a parent shows up in the portal with something to eat.  How do they survive without water?  How do they survive being packed tightly together in the heat?  How do they survive when the birdhouse swings gently in the blistering sun? 
Then I remember that God takes care of them, that He will take care of me, and that He takes care of all of His children.  The child in me is happy to forever be God's child.  I can always be dependent upon Him. 

Diagnosis?

I feel like I'm whining, and that's definitely not what I want to do.  The surgery seems to have cleared up the initial disc problem, but apparently something else has gone awry on my left side.  The pain has been pretty much non-stop, with good days and bad days, good nights and bad nights, since my first experience with a urinary tract infection, keeping me from feeling good.  Having taken the tapered prednisone prescribed by my doctor, I waited another week to see if the pain would subside, and it didn't, so I called him on Tuesday.  I went in for another MRI on Wednesday morning.
I'm not thrilled that I had to undergo another MRI, which is like having 500 x-rays taken, but I DO want to know why I have so much pain in the left side of my back, which radiates throughout my entire left hip area.  I'm not claustrophobic, so sliding into that narrow tube didn't bother me; however, laying on that table caused my back to roar with pain.  By the time I was slid out of the tube, I had tears in my eyes because the pain was so bad.  The nurse had to help me sit up.  I now have to wait until next Friday, August 5, for me to see my doctor and get the results of the MRI. 
In the meantime, I've tried to increase my walking distance and went about half a mile with my husband last evening, after dark, when it was a mere 90 degrees outside, a considerable drop from the high temperature of 102 that day.  At least the sun wasn't beating down on us!  When we were heading back to our house, I mentioned to Bob that my back was hurting, but it didn't get any worse, and I slept well until around 6 AM today.  Within an hour of rising, however, my back burned and throbbed with pain.  Even taking 2 pain pills did not take away the extreme discomfort, although it did take the edge off the pain after about 2 hours.  I wonder if walking so far had anything to do with it.  There's no way to tell, I guess, unless I do the same thing some other evening.
So I'm trying to manage the pain while I wait for next Friday to be told what the MRI revealed.  Whatever it reveals, I pray that it doesn't require surgery. 

An Epidemic

This blog is a far cry from my normal writing and not pleasant to discuss, but I hope you read on.  I've been sickened by what I hear in the news almost daily.
There's an epidemic running rampant in this country, and it's horrific beyond description.  Fathers are killing the mothers of their children.  Yes, killing the very women to whom they made love and with whom they fathered children -- how horrendous is that!?  They are also killing their pregnant wives!  In the Raleigh/Durham area alone, there are multiple cases involving such crimes, two of which have occurred during the last two weeks.  These crimes are beyond my comprehension, and I hope they are beyond yours, too.
The very people that God has commanded to protect their wives are killing them instead.  Many times the couple is no longer married or never married in the first place, but had children together, and are going through a bitter custody battle.  How can any man raise a hand to women they have bedded?  (I can't say "loved" because if they loved that woman, they never would be able to murder her.)  The most recent case in my area involves a man and his current wife, by whom he had a child this past spring, murdering his former girlfriend, by whom he had two boys, now ages 1 and 3, dismembering her body, packing it in coolers, and driving it to another state, where it was tossed into a creek.  Their attempt to go undiscovered obviously didn't pay off because they are now behind bars and not allowed bail.  This horrific crime has stunned this area and has emphasized the fact that men are abdicating their responsibilities to women, their wives, and their children. 
The Bible has hundreds of references to the word "father", and the Psalms and Proverbs are filled with words of wisdom as to the responsibility of fathers toward their children.  The way men treat women nowadays is a far cry from honoring and cherishing them, and pointing fingers at other nations and the way they treat their women seems to be a bit hypocritical when an epidemic of murdering mothers has gripped this nation.  Yes, other nations do treat their women unjustly; that's a known fact.  Yet men in this country have turned a harsh hand toward women that have given birth to their children, and something must be done about it.  But what?
I heard a statistic recently, and I wish I could remember the exact figures, but it had to do with the number of families that actually had fathers present and active in them.  About 30 years ago, 79% of families had a father, but currently only 47% do.  Women are being impregnated and left to handle the responsibilities of raising a fatherless child.  This is breeding disaster for our nation and for any other country which is in the same boat. 
If a country loses its moral compass, anything goes, and we are slipping down a slope that encourages irresponsibility, selfishness, corruption, dishonesty, immorality, deceit, and a belief that anyone can do what they want, when they want.  Such a sad state of affairs will not go unnoticed by God.  It's time to get back to basics, back to family, and back to faith.